Print

---

> > NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
> > To the citizens of the United States of America,
> >
> > In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to
> > govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
> > independence, effective today.  Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
> > will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other
> > territories.  Except Utah, which she does not fancy.  Your new prime
> > minister (The Rt. Hon. Tony Blair, MP.)  For the 97.85% of you who have
> > until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will
> > appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections.
> > Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.  A questionnaire will be
> > circulated next year to determine whether any of You noticed.
> >
> > To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
> > rules
> > are introduced with immediate effect:
> >
> > 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
> > Then look up "aluminium".  Check the pronunciation guide.  You will be
> > amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.  Generally, you
> > should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.  Look up
"vocabulary".
> > Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such
as
> > "like" and
> > "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
Look
> > up "interspersed".
> >
> > 2. There is no such thing as "US English".  We will let Microsoft know
on
> > your behalf.
> >
> > 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.
It
> > really isn't that hard.
> >
> > 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the
> > good guys.
> >
> > 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
Queen",
> > but only after fully carrying out task 1.  We would not want you to get
> > confused and give up half way through.
> >
> > 6. You should stop playing American "football".  There is only one kind
of
> > football.  What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good
> > game.
> > The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your
borders
> > may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football.  You will
no
> > longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.
> > Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls.  It is a
> > difficult
> > game.  Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby
> > (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping
> > for
> > a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like
> > nancies).  We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side
> > by
> > 2005.
> >
> > 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if
> > they give you any merde.  The 98.85% of you who were not aware that
there
> > is
> > a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky.  The
Russians
> > have never been the bad guys.  "Merde" is French for "shit".
> >
> > 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday.  November 8th will be a new
> > national holiday, but only in England.  It will be called "Indecisive
> > Day".
> >
> > 9. All American cars are hereby banned.  They are crap and it is for
your
> > own good.  When we show you German cars, you will understand what we
mean.
> >
> > 10. Please tell us who killed JFK.  It's been driving us crazy.
> >
> > Thank you for your cooperation.
> >
Little Lord Fauntleroy aka Sid Levin