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From Great Britain:

> > NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
> >
> > To the citizens of the United States of America,
> >
> > In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to
> > govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
> > independence, effective today.
> >
> > Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties
> > over all states, commonwealths and other territories.  Except Utah,
which
> > she
> > does not fancy.  Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP
> > for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a
> world
> > outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the
> > need for further elections.  Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
A
> > questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of
> > you noticed.
> >
> > To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
> rules
> > are introduced with immediate effect:
> >
> > 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
Then
> > look up "aluminium".  Check the pronunciation guide.  You will be amazed
> > at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.  Generally, you should
> > raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.  Look up "vocabulary".
Using
> > the
> > same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like"
and
> > "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
Look
> > up
> > "interspersed".
> >
> > 2. There is no such thing as "US English".  We will let Microsoft know
on
> > your behalf.
> >
> > 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.It
> >  really isn't that hard.
> >
> > 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the
> >  good guys.
> >
> > 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
> > Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1.  We would not want you
> to
> > get
> > confused and give up half way through.
> >
> > 6. You should stop playing American "football".  There is only one kind
of
> > football.  What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good
> > game.The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your
> > borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football.
You
> > will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper
> > football.  Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It
is
> a
> > difficult game.  Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to
> play
> > rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve
> > stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body
> armour
> > like nancies).  We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens
> > side  by 2005.
> >
> > 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if
> > they give you any merde.  The 98.85% of you who were not aware that
there
> > is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky.  The
> Russians
> >  have never been the bad guys.  "Merde" is French for "shit".
> >
> > 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday.  November 8th will be a new
> > national holiday, but only in England.  It will be called "Indecisive
> Day".
> >
> > 9. All American cars are hereby banned.  They are crap and it is for
your
> > own good.  When we show you German cars, you will understand what we
mean.
> >
> > 10. Please tell us who killed JFK.  It's been driving us crazy.
> >
> > Thank you for your cooperation.
> > It shall be understood by the recipient(s) that conclusions, opinions
and
> > other information contained in the above e-mail not relating to the
> official
> > scope of business of Altheimer & Gray shall be deemed not to have been
> given
> > or endorsed by Altheimer & Gray.
> >
> > Altheimer & Gray - Solicitors & U.S. Lawyers
> > 7 Bishopsgate, London. EC2N 3AR. ENGLAND
> > TEL: +44 (0) 20 7786 5700   FAX: +44 (0) 20 7786 0000
> > www.altheimer.com
> >
> > A list of Partners' names and their professional qualifications is open
> for
> > inspection at the above address.
> >
> > This e-mail transmission is intended only for the use of the person to
> whom
> > it is addressed and may be privileged, confidential, and exempt from
> > disclosure under applicable law.  If you are not the intended recipient,
> > please delete this message and notify us via e-mail to
> > [log in to unmask]
>
>