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hi all a few days ago in "a message to a friend" i said: "you don't have to put up with that, you don't 'deserve' it, no one 'deserves' it you are not a wimp you are not a weakling you are not unworthy of better" "anyone who perpetrates it is acting out their self hatred on the handiest and least resistant target you are not the cause of it" "the perp needs to be stopped equally as much as you need it to be stopped" "the perp is ill and is committing a crime" "you are not ill you are not aiding and abetting a crime you are its victim and you have every right in the world to your own personal safety and well-being" "there is no shame in being a victim there is no shame in having a crime committed against you" "your self esteem has been damaged by such chronic behaviour and you may not be able to extricate yourself on your own but extricate yourself you must" these declarations in re domestic violence have wider applications than i realized at the time i do believe that they apply to anyone who has suffered harassment or stalking of any kind e.g. me and some of my cyber pals there is sometimes a tendency on the part of society (i.e. you and me) to 'blame the victim' in both types of situations but the actions are being perpetrated by the perp and the actions are what are deemed criminal by our courts if "domestic violence" translates into a "punch in the face" it matters not whether the 'victim' is: a. a sumo wrestler, b. me, or c. my three month old grandson. and it matters not whether the "net effect" is: a. a broken nose b. a bruise c. a psychic trauma a victim is a victim and cannot should not be blamed or held responsible in any way for the actions of another i am afraid that "acting out" or 'projecting" one's self hatred on another is all too common, in all too many layers and degrees why on earth would we hate ourselves? where would we have learned such a bizarre idea? still musing and mulling janet janet paterson, an akinetic rigid subtype parkie 53 now /44 dx cd / 43 onset cd /41 dx pd / 37 onset pd TEL: 613 256 8340 SMAIL: POBox 171 Almonte Ontario K0A 1A0 Canada EMAIL: [log in to unmask] URL: http://www.geocities.com/janet313/