A man arrives at the Pearly Gates, waiting to be admitted. St. Peter
is reading through the Big Book to see if the fellow's name is
written in it. After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book,
furrows his brow, and says, "I'm sorry, I don't see your name written
in the Book."
"How current is your copy?" he asks.
"I get a download every ten minutes," St. Peter replies, "why do you ask?"
"I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I was always the stubborn type. It
was not until my death was imminent that I cried out to God, so my
name probably hasn't arrived to your copy yet."
"I'm glad to hear that," St. Peter says, "but while we're waiting
for the update to come through, you can tell me about a really good
deed that you did in your life?"
The guys thinks for a moment and says, "Hmm, well there was this one
time when I was driving down a road and I saw a big gang harassing
this poor girl. I slowed down, and sure enough, there they were,
about 20 of 'em torturing this poor woman. Infuriated, I got out my
car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked up to the leader
of the gang. He was a huge guy; 6-foot-6, 280 pounds, with a studded
leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ears. As I
walked up to the leader, they formed a circle around me and told me
to get lost or I'd be next."
So I ripped the leader's chain out of his face and smashed him over
the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the
rest of them, "Leave this poor innocent girl alone! You're all a
bunch of SICK, deranged animals! Go home before I really teach you a
lesson in PAIN!"
St. Peter, duly impressed, says "Wow! When did this happen?"
"About three minutes ago."
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