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Dear Doug, As you recognize, you are now near or at a big "bridge". You are under a lot of stress, from your job, from having to cope when you're not feeling up to par, from having PD itself, and from anxiety about the future. Stress makes your symptoms worse. Depression is often PD related. Perhaps your meds are not optimum and some improvements can be made. But you will have to stop working sooner than you want to, perhaps sooner than you think, and when you go out you want to do it on your terms as much as possible (your decision and reason, not theirs). You work for a large corporation, SW Bell, and hopefully you have signed on for their employee short and long term disability insurance plans. First thing to do is find out about and apply for short term disability and at the same time find out about long term. Don't try to keep working as long as physically possible, because you may overestimate what you can do. ASAP identify yourself to your personnel department as a person with a disability, as a protection measure. It's better they know you have PD than mistakenly believe you have a drug or drinking problem. If you think you can work a little longer, you may need to negotiate "reasonable accommodations" (work schedule or assignment changes) with your employer under the Americans with Disability act. See Americans with Disabilities Act Document Center, http://janweb.icdi.wvu.edu/kinder/. You need also to find out more about PD related medical and support resources in your area. For medical call University of Kansas Medical Center, Department of Neurology in Kansas City (913) 588-6970 or University of Kansas School of Medicine-Wichita Faculty Physician Exchange, (262-6262). For support groups (if these numbers are still current) call APDA Southwest Kansas Chapter referral center 2322 Brent Drive Dodge City, KS 67801 Mrs. Johnson, President 316-225-7438 Sedgwick County Early Onset support group 316-584-6449 Gene Melton Sedgwick County Parkinson Support Group Joan Huffman (316) 529-3926 Your wife may benefit from talking with other spouses of PWPs. Best of luck. Phil Tompkins Amherst Mass. Age 62/dx 1990 On 15 Dec 2000, at 3:06, Doug Brown wrote: > I subscribed to this list looking for answers maybe to see > if anyone else is dealing with the same issues as I am. I have > been lurking for a while so if I may I would like to introduce > myself. My name is Doug Brown, 42 years old "birthday today" > I live in Wichita Kansas, marred to a wonderful loving lady Debby. > I have 4 children and 3 grand children. I have been diagnosed > with PD for 10 years. I am afraid and feel as though I am losing > control. I may be losing my job because of my illness. I am a > Computer Technician and have had several of my customers > complain that they no longer feel confident in my ability to support > them. One of them called and complained about my apparent DTs. > My employer has told me to take 3 weeks medical leave to get things > under control before I come back to work. I have been passing out > "not good when you drive 1000 miles a week" get confused easily > and forget important information. I have been freezing lately and have > fell a few times. I have lost 30 pounds in the last month and seem to > be in a deep depression. My children and my wife ask me why I am > upset and when I say I'm not they say that I always look like I am mad > or upset and that I never smile any more. I have talked with my Doc > about this and have started taking anti-depressants and made appt to > see mental heath consoler. Will see a new Neurologist next month but I > am afraid that I may lose my job before I get things under control. How > do I talk with my wife about this she is very supportive, but she seems > to tune out when ever I talk about Parkinson's I feel as though she is > afraid to face the fact that my PD has progressed to this point. We > have talked in the past "years ago" and she has said we will cross > that bridge when we come to it. Well I think we have reached that > bridge but we are both afraid to set foot on it. Any suggestions, > advise would be appreciated. > > Thanks > Doug