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Dear Doug, First of all, let me wish you a happy birthday! And congratulations on your children and grandchildren, I'm hoping for some grandchildren and am quite envious. You have a lot of burdens right now -- your job, your customers and peers, driving, your family's concern for you, falling, and your wife's unwillingness to discuss the progression of PD. That must be a very scary feeling for you. But you are doing exactly the right thing by reaching out, to the List, to your doctors, and to your wife. Many listmembers can give you good advice regarding employment and disability, so I won't address that. Regarding "passing out, confusion, forgetting, freezing, falling, and weight loss, not smiling, and depression," -- these are all areas where there are likely to be solutions for you. The most important thing of all is to locate a neurologist who specializes in Parkinson's disease. In Kansas City, at the University of Kansas Medical Center, you have a fine neurologist, Dr. Pahwa, who is very experienced in all aspects of PD. I would recommend you try to make an appointment with him. Because he has had so much experience with PD, he is more likely to be able to recognize the problems you discuss, and help with solutions, than a general neurologist; he is more likely to help you find the right combination of medications; and he is more likely to be able to refer you to trained therapists who may be able to help with the freezing, falling, etc. Regarding weight loss, I am a dietitian specializing in PD, and I can tell you that weight loss is quite common among people with PD, and there are many possible reasons for this. Although weight loss can be helpful for people who were previously overweight, it can lead to malnutrition, depression, confusion, bone loss and other concerns. I recommend you ask your physician for a referral to a registered dietitian (Peter Beyer is an RD associated with the U of Kansas Medical Center, and is familiar with PD, you might ask to see him) and if the dietitian is not familiar with PD, you can refer him/her to me and I will help. I believe you are quite right, that you and your wife need to begin discussing your life together, your PD, and the future. Since you have an appointment with a counselor, I suggest you ask the counselor for advice about approaching your wife in this regard. Quite likely the counselor will be able to help you, and may even suggest that your wife accompany you to a counseling session. Doug, you are very intelligent and courageous and are doing all the right things with regard to PD. Please stay on the Parkinsn listserv, I believe you will find a lot of knowledge and assistance here. My very best regards, Kathrynne Doug Brown wrote: > > I subscribed to this list looking for answers maybe to see > if anyone else is dealing with the same issues as I am. I have > been lurking for a while so if I may I would like to introduce > myself. My name is Doug Brown, 42 years old "birthday today" > I live in Wichita Kansas, marred to a wonderful loving lady Debby. > I have 4 children and 3 grand children. I have been diagnosed > with PD for 10 years. I am afraid and feel as though I am losing > control. I may be losing my job because of my illness. I am a > Computer Technician and have had several of my customers > complain that they no longer feel confident in my ability to support > them. One of them called and complained about my apparent DTs. > My employer has told me to take 3 weeks medical leave to get things > under control before I come back to work. I have been passing out > "not good when you drive 1000 miles a week" get confused easily > and forget important information. I have been freezing lately and have > fell a few times. I have lost 30 pounds in the last month and seem to > be in a deep depression. My children and my wife ask me why I am > upset and when I say I'm not they say that I always look like I am mad > or upset and that I never smile any more. I have talked with my Doc > about this and have started taking anti-depressants and made appt to > see mental heath consoler. Will see a new Neurologist next month but I > am afraid that I may lose my job before I get things under control. How > do I talk with my wife about this she is very supportive, but she seems > to tune out when ever I talk about Parkinson's I feel as though she is > afraid to face the fact that my PD has progressed to this point. We > have talked in the past "years ago" and she has said we will cross > that bridge when we come to it. Well I think we have reached that > bridge but we are both afraid to set foot on it. Any suggestions, > advise would be appreciated. > > Thanks > Doug -- Kathrynne Holden, MS, RD Author: "Eat well, stay well with Parkinson's disease" "Constipation and Parkinson's" -- audiocassette & guidebook "Guidelines for Medical Nutrition Therapy for Parkinson's disease" & Risk Assessment Tools "Risk for malnutrition and bone fracture in Parkinson's disease," J Nutr Elderly. V18:3;1999. http://www.nutritionucanlivewith.com/