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The Tug-of-War is on. I am finding myself pushing and pulling at my emotions today. Or should I say that the Pd is doing the pushing and the pulling. Tonight and to be honest, most of the day I have been in a battle of wills. The overwhelming pain this evening is trying to get me to succumb to self-pity. The Spirit that lives within me is rising up and reaching out for the strength to triumph in this fight for self-preservation. Pain can be a wicked thing. A dark, black place, that wishes to consume my will, my mind. I am struggling to preserve my mental strength. I am struggling to preserve the healthiness that still resides in my body. I will not relinquish my fortitude. Self-pity can be just as wicked as pain. As the tears, the healing tears flow again this evening, I will make the active choice to think of more positive thoughts. Being involved with other plwps helps. Identifying with your pain and anguish strengthens my compassion for others. This suffering, this pain, acts as a nutrient, a fertilizer, to enable the compassion to well up within me in eagerness to pour forth a kinship that can relate without even speaking words aloud. Courage can be born from adversity. It can only benefit the soul to strive to see the beauty in this ugly war. Beauty in pain? Beauty in crying aloud? Beauty in my body being twisted with dyskinesia? When I am suffering the most, it is then that God brings to me the thought of a beautiful field of flowers, the vision of the way the sun sets on the ocean. When I cry out in pain, it is then that God speaks to my heart saying, "I am here my child; you are not alone." When I feel the dyskinesia is at its ugliest, I am reminded that it is not our outward appearance that touches the heart of God. What is important is what the pain causes to pour forth from my heart. I heard on the national news of a "miracle baby" in Kentucky. A pregnant woman was involved in a violent automobile accident. Her unborn child was literally ripped from her body with the umbilical chord intact. The baby is still alive. Imagine that mother's pain. God allowed her pain to be transformed into the beauty of life. I wish to leave you with the admiration in my heart and compassion in my heart for all of you. I admire each one of you that are still putting one foot in front of the other. I admire each one of you that reach out; because it is in the reaching out that makes us strong. It takes more strength and courage to reach toward something or someone instead of sitting idle in self-pity. When your tears fall may they be caught by the hand of a loving friend and put into a well that a rainbow can be seen over. Much love and hope....Sandy