No disrespect intended, please. This is from Jewish joke of the day and I
just couldn't resist it.
Bob Anibal
-"'Twas the night before Chanukah..."
'Twas the night before Chanukah, as it is said
And Santa was sitting and hocking his head
He had all the toys wrapped up nice in his zeckel
For maidlach and boys to give each one a peckel
The reindeer were saddled and ready to fly
Like a crew of brave astronauts all through the sky
But Santa was starving to eat a good meichel
Some regular food that would stick to his beichel
Not plum cakes or mincemeat or peppermint candy
But some kosher cooking he thought would be dandy
So he called to his reindeer, "Hey, kinder, let's go
To a Jewish balbusta and don't be so slow."
The house had no chimney, so he went through the door
And kissed the mezzuzah and jumped on the floor
Then the man of the house said, "Santa you devil
Come on, don't be shy and see our split level
The night is still early, there's plenty of zeit
So come in the den and please have a bite
If only we knew you were coming, by gosh
But I'll call out the wife and she'll give you a nosh
A slice of stuffed derma, a few little strudels
Some chicken salami, some flanken with noodles
Some blintzes, some kreplach, some lox and bialy
A bissel chopped herring, an end piece of chaleh
And if all of these goodies don't fill up your gatkes
Last but not least, some Chanukah latkes."
"A latke?" cried Santa, "what is this delight?"
On the outside it's golden and inside it's white.
On the outside so crisp and inside it's yummy
And he gobbled them up 'til he filled his fat tummy.
hen they gave him a dreidel and showed him the plays
And he took a menorah to light for eight days
And to give Santa some spirit and to show how they felt
For mazel they gave him some Chanukah gelt.
He beamed and he chuckled and said "Kine-ahaora,
I don't want to feel like a Chanukah schnorrer
To show you how much I enjoyed your Jewish snack
I'm leaving you everything, even my sack."
Then he called to his reindeer and said, "Luz mir gehn."
And each one got ready as he schlepped on the rein
"Giddyap Irving, Hoo Ha Sidney, Hi ho Sadie, Let's go Minnie,
Onward Gussie, Upward Solly, Ole Becky, Oy Vey Molly."
And they swore that he yelled as he rode out of sight
"MERRY LATKES" to all and to all a GOOD NIGHT."
Very Rough Translations of yiddish:
zeckel= bag * maidlach = girl * peckel = coin
meichel = meal * beichel = stomach * kinder = children
balbusta = lady of the house (usually a very nice description)
mezzuzah = Commandments inside a small oblong
ornament attached to right side of the door jam
zeit = life * nosh = snack * stuffed derma = cow intestines
flanken = flank steak
blintzes = rolled like a crepe, but stuffed full with
fruit & cottage cheese (or something similar)
bissel = a little piece * lox = smoked salmon (fish)
bialy = kind of roll, sold with bagels * chaleh = bread
gatkes = guts * latkes = potato pancakes
dreidel = special spinning top, with Hebrew letters on
the side, used for a game at Chanukah
menorah = candle holder for symbolic Chanukah candle
lighting
mazel = luck
gelt = coins
schnorrer: cheapskate, typically used to describe someone
who always takes, but never gives anything back
