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My friend, "Freckles", sent this. E of the Headdress >Customer Service Rep: Yes, Ma'am, how can I help you today? >Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install love. Can >you guide me through the process? >Customer Service Rep: Yes, I can help you. Are you ready to proceed? >Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready to install >now. What do I do first? >Customer Service Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located >your HEART ma'am? >Customer: Yes I have, but there are several other programs running right >now. Is it okay to install while they are running? >Customer Service Rep: What programs are running ma'am? >Customer: Let's see, I have PAST HURT.EXE, LOW-ESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and >RESENTMENT.COM running right now. >Customer Service Rep: No problem. LOVE will gradually erase PAST-HURT.EXE >from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, >but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite >LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGH-ESTEEM.EXE. However, you >have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs >prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma'am? >Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how? >Customer Service Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke >FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and >RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased. >Customer: Okay, done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is >that normal? >Customer Service Rep: Yes. You should receive a message that says it will >reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message? >Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed? >Customer Service Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. >You need to begin connecting to other HEART's in order to get the upgrades. >Customer: Oops. I have an error message already. What should I do? >Customer Service Rep: What does the message say? >Customer: It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS." What >does that mean? >Customer Service Rep: Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means >that the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet >been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, >but in non-technical terms it means you have to "LOVE" your own machine >before it can "LOVE" others. >Customer: So what should I do? >Customer Service Rep: Can you pull down the directory called >"SELF-ACCEPTANCE"? >Customer: Yes, I have it. >Customer Service Rep: Excellent. You're getting good at this. >Customer: Thank you. >Customer Service Rep: You're welcome. Click on the following files and then >copy them to the "MYHEART" directory: FORGIVE-SELF.DOC, REALIZE-WORTH.TXT, >and ACKNOWLEDGE LIMITATIONS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting >files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete >VERBOSE-SELF CRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then empty your recycle >bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back. >Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with new files. SMILE.MPG >is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that PEACE.EXE, and >CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART. Is this normal? >Customer Service Rep: Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually >everything gets downloaded at the proper time. So, LOVE is installed and >running. You should be able to handle it from here. >One more thing before I go. >Customer: Yes? >Customer Service Rep: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various >modules to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people >and they will return some similarly cool modules back to you. >Customer: I will. Thanks for your help. By the way, what's your name? >Customer Service Rep: You can call me the Divine Cardiologist, also known as >The Great Physician, but most call me God. Most people feel all they need is >an annual check-up to stay heart-healthy, but the manufacturer (Me) suggests >a schedule of daily maintenance for maximum efficiency. Put another way, >keep in touch . . .. >NOTE: Daily maintenance for maximum efficiency! > > >