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In a message dated 10/8/00 6:58:45 PM EST, [log in to unmask] writes: Is this far enough back? I have everything you've posted since April. Eleanor << When the meds wear off First I feel uneasy like a hurricane is brewing off the horizon or that I know there is something wrong that I can't put my finger on then begins the game of Russian roulette what body part is going to quit working this time? Usually it's my right hand, which is the first betrayer, curling up, and strumming my shoulder but sometimes it's the right leg foot curling up and in legs bouncing around like fish on dry land I notice my right eye won't open and my mouth doesn't work mumbles come out instead of words and saliva builds up, to drool down my chin like I'm 1 or 100 as my body slowly freezes my mind comes alive screaming fight or flight warnings to a body whose forgotten survival instincts even older than consciousness as the mind yammers and stammers its warning the body goes quietly numb and I silently wonder how could I be so dumb after two years of this shit you would think I would learn take your meds on time or this is what you become but when the meds are working I feel so much like me not this shaking drooling idiot that's all the world can see and when I take the meds in 15 min, 30 tops the mask that hides the real me back in place does drop but sometimes I sit and wonder what part of my body has quit working that the meds hide from me and where will my mind go when the meds can no longer set me free bob armentrout copyright 2000 __________ >>