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Hi DOUG, It sounds like you are having a most stressful time. My thoughts are with you. We all suffer from time to time but yours sounds really bad. Not that it helps you but I am 58 and have had this monster for about 30 years. I can honestly say I never get depressed for more than e few hours every few months. I am virtually a stay at home and work on my computer from 5 am till early afternoon. It keeps me busy ,( I pretend I am playing the horses) Hope you got my virus plagued email on DBS surgery BTW I take 2 x 25 grams of tryptanol each night and it helps me sleep like a box of bricks and they are also a anti depressant The DBS surgery should me very helpful. Also try varying your medication until you find a better combination. I do this regularly and it works. You need to keep a dairy of your intakes Email me at [log in to unmask],au if you need support or help. I am down under in Aussie and I have an upside look at life!! Regards Barry ----- Original Message ----- From: Doug Brown To: [log in to unmask] Sent: Saturday, February 03, 2001 16:12 Subject: Why am I depressed? Earlier this afternoon I read several articles and e-mails on depression, and I started thinking. Why am I depressed? I fell sick, I've had kidney stone for over a month and it's killing me. I'm having surgery Monday I think. They have canceled it twice today because of insurance. I would like to tell someone at the insurance company in person what I think of them and why they should pay the bill for this kidney stone. They are fighting over who should pay them or Medicare. I've started the test for DBS surgery and I can't be having problems with my insurance right now. My Meds are making me sick, the kidney stone makes me very sick at times and I'm off about half the day. I froze up 5 times today and I feel like crap. I found that pain medication and PD doesn't get along. I spend a lot of my time thinking about bills. Always seems to be more bills than money. I worry about my wife I think she is working to hard. She has to carry me to the Doc office and hospital than work late. I don't drive anymore. She worries about me and she tries to hide it but I know. I have gone down hill rapidly over the last 4 months. I'm losing my voice and we can't get my trimmers under control. So that's why I'm depressed but who won't be. That little trimmer I met years ago has grown and seems to be out growing me. I think that anyone with PD knows depression and faces anxiety. Yet we also find strength. There are times when we need someone to lean on, an open ear, worm embrace. I know one should always hang on to hope. So yes all the articles where correct depression is woven into the very fabric of PD Doug