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Dabu, I am very sad for you loss - and your dilemma. It is always best to be honest in regard to the death of a family member, regardless of the condition of the person who is the concern. Your mom can deal better with the knowledge of your brother's death now while everyone else in the family is mourning. She will become part of the circle of those grieving, and find strength and solace in the tears and pain of others. If she isn't told of your brother's death until later, she may feel betrayed. She will also not be able to receive the full sympathy and support of other family members. Not told, she will be confused by the distancing that naturally occurs when family and friends are trying to keep a secret from a beloved, fragile person. As a nurse I've had experience with families trying to keep relatives from discovering the death of a loved one. I'll never forget the husband with end-stage Alzhiemers who was a patient on my floor. Also on our division was his wife - she was kept on the other side of the floor in order to spare her husband any anxiety about her condition. When she died, no one thought to tell him. I was taking care of him that day and will never forget walking into his room moments after learning that she had died. Streaming down his face were tears - even though no one had confided the information, he somehow knew that his wife had passed on. The only way to bring him comfort was to confirm his suspicions and allow him to grieve. ----- God bless you during this difficult time Mary Ann ---------------------------------------------------------------------- To sign-off Parkinsn send a message to: mailto:[log in to unmask] In the body of the message put: signoff parkinsn