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Paul,
I couldn't agree more with Joan.  Hang in there!!!  it hurts   like hell
(dante's ninth circle, perhaps)  I finally had to personify the pd beasr so   I
could deal with him. (nothing implied, actually he's non- gender)
He's one vicious, sadistic b...  enjoys the pain and   havoc  he brings with
him.  he is never more satisfied than when he can put everything you've lost  in
your face. maybe this approach isn't   for everyone or maybe it's  not a good
way to handle this disease.   it's what   comes out      of an education in
period literature and it  works for me.  i have a focus for my anger and
frustrations.  Evil knight, sometimes; also fire-spitting dragon. These images i
can deal with.

What also helps, but can be painful   too, is engaging in an activity requiring
very   little motion.  Sitting on my bed in this   spring. i   planned the work
and improvements needed in my garden.  Indulged myself into believing (only
momentarily)     that I was  going to do the work.  yeah, right.  But  i come
away   from these  endeavors with a renewed sense       of my worth and
capabilities. and for a brief  moment i feel like a normal person.

living with pd has  shown me  just  how  lucky a lady I am. i can say this
because of the gift     of a loving family  and friends.  Again, it  is not
without negatives .  Painfully I watch everyone who comes in close daily
contact with me have their lives altered -- husband, daughters, boyfriends    of
same, friends,  mothers. They care so much.  With      all of this  in my
face       along with the other bad stuff, i am   a lucky lady.     This alone
drives pd nutss!!!!!!!!!!!

re-read joan's response. she has said it best.
Cathy


Joan Hartman wrote:

> Paul, don't apologize...that's what we're all here for....to vent, to
> listen, to encourage and support each other with this terrible thing we
> have....some days are good and some days are bad for all of us....hopefully,
> we have more good days than bad...but it's a real *&*(&^##  not to be able
> to do what we've always done....and it's such a surprise when some part of
> us that was working doesn't work at the moment we need it to....a month ago
> I was in a restaurant with some friends and couldn't get up to leave....and
> finally when I did get up, had to be helped out to my car because I couldn't
> do it alone.....I was so embarrassed.   We cannot change what we got (right
> now, anyway but maybe in the future) and so we have to use our attitude and
> anything else we can muster up to help us...and I know it's not
> easy.....Remember what they say ...life  is 10% what happens to me and 90%
> how I react to it....and like the poster showing the cat hanging on to a
> tree branch with it's claws says:  "HANG IN THERE, BABY!"   Paul, my good
> wishes for you to have a better day.      Joan Hartman
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Paul Ayers" <[log in to unmask]>
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Thursday, April 26, 2001 12:26 PM
> Subject: Venting!!!
>
> > Why won't my right side do what my left side should?  I can't take notes
> > anymore, I hate this disease.  My brain will not let me learn to write
> > again, I just do not understand.  How will I ever, never mind.  Sorry...
> >
> > Paul E. Ayers
> > Sales Manager
> > Black Box Network Services
> > Indiana Operations
> > 317.577.1460
> > [log in to unmask]
> > www.blackbox.com
> >
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