echoes of 'what if'
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what if a talented and beautiful young woman
developed a rare chronic incurable degenerative
and last but not least debilitating brain disorder?
what if she denied it and hated it and fought with it
to the nth degree
with every minute hour and day
as it progressed
with every week month and year?
what if it caused her to abandon her musical career her life
or (as she felt) more accurately perhaps caused
her musical colleagues to abandon her?
how would she perceive herself?
who would she be?
she is lost ...
would she survive nursing the hate?
could her family and friends open the gate?
what would she think that she wanted?
more than anything anything at all in the whole wide world?
what if she found a promise of 'better - almost well'
and opened it up to find only 'bitter - almost hell'?
what if she met a group of people with the same demon disorder?
what if some of them talk of acceptance and dream of hope?
what if some of them do not hate her monster?
like she does ...
would she hate them?
would she think them fools?
would she appoint herself the slayer of the dream dragon?
become the arbiter and comptroller and side-swiper of happy talk?
player of discordant music so loud as to almost drown out
their pitiful parodies of melody?
what would she do with all that hate
feeding on its own frenzy
forming its own life
without her?
she is lost ...
but only drowsing in a dream of her own making is all
time to wake up, rise 'n' shine, sun's out
what if it's a beautiful morning?
what if it always is?
janet paterson
2000/06/20
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janet paterson, an akinetic rigid subtype, albeit perky, parky
PD: 54/41/37 CD: 54/44/43 TEL: 613 256 8340 EMAIL: [log in to unmask]
"a new voice" home page: http://www.geocities.com/janet313/ .
"new voice news" latest posts: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/nvnNET/ .
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