Dear Katie,
I am so glad that everyone seems to understand how important it was to
both--or all-- of us that Peter was in charge to the end. Because we had
discussed this often over the years with PD I was able to accept his need
to favor quality of life over quantity, and had long ago promised him to
honor his wishes. Of course, that doesn't make it "easy", but there has
been such a wonderful outpouring of love, prayers, and validation from
everyone, that I am feeling very supported.
I am amazed at the number of "virtual friends" who only knew Peter through
my words, but really understood his strength, courage and integrity, as
well as his loving essence.
> I think we will all mourn Peter's death with you. If there is
>anything you need, anything I can help you with, please let me now. You are
>going into another difficult time, but you have support from me and many
>others. I hope that this is a new beginning for you, and that you take the
>time to work in your garden and do all those others things that were pushed
>aside in the past month, and in the past years of Peter's illness.
Indeed, that is the sort of thing he wished ---for me to "get a life", and
I intend to do just that, for me and because I know he wanted it. He once
said that his greatest fear was seeing me "worn down" by his care.
,
>don't forget Mimi, she will miss Peter in her own way, and she won't mind
>being petted all the time.
As for Mimi, she has been a bit depressed, I think--missing her family and
Peter's feet to sleep next to.
Whenever I managed to be home for a little while she quickly found her
place on my lap or shoulder--and I always let her smell Peter on my hands
when I returned from seeing him. Of course, she still sleeps with me. Tell
Tarzan hello from her, please.
And, please continue on the list, and in your
>roles as the Queen of the Caregivers and Mastermind of those PC's.
I do plan to continue, for a time at least--I was concerned that Peter's
emeritus account at Miami might end with his death, and that is my
connection to the listserv for both CARE and the Quaker Women's list. I
hope that I will be able to continue, as I note that another friend whose
faculty husband died, still uses the muohio.edu address.
>
> Peter's death, in many ways, was his choice, his decision, and he
>probably regretted that only to the extent it has caused, and will cause, you
>pain. In one way or the other, Camilla, you have to move on with your life,
>your life without Peter. I wish you well, my friend, and I stand ready to
>help you and to support you when needed, Katie, and her Tarzan the Cat.
Thanks for your support and understanding--you got it just right--it was
his choice, and he was given the power to make it, for which I'm so
grateful.
>
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Camilla Flintermann Oxford,OH
<[log in to unmask]>
on the web at http://www.geocities.com/camillahf/index.html
and also at
http://members.tripod.lycos.nl/genugten/flinterm.htm
And visit the CARE webring at http://www.pdcaregiver.org
"In all beginnings, endings lie enfolded,
implicit and invisible as roots."
from: "Leaving the Garden"--CHF
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