Camillia,
Stiff upper lip. Do the best you can, which is much better than
others' best. Find respite, and often. So many changes in such a short
time, and I can only guess at your surprise, your bitter disappointment, and
your agony. You are going to have to ride it out, and it does not look, to
me, as though that is going to be easy for you. And, then, on top of
everything your spouse, your life's mate, is so damn stubborn and
uncooperative, although I realize that could be the dementia as well.
I think of you often, and I try to think of you getting into the
garden for an hour or two, seeing your daughters, or otherwise resting and
relaxing. I volunteer at the local middle school for the E.D. (emotionally
disturbed) classes, and we had "graduation" yesterday. They outfitted me
with a very pretty coursage, and they hustled me down to the auditorium,
telling me to sit in the front row. They surprised me! I was the first item
on the agenda, the principal called me to the stage, gave me a huge, red
violet chysthanemum plant, and gave me the podium. I tried to speak, but it
was not working--I kept thinking of those articles about stress and the
effect upon PD--so I just said that I worked with a great bunch of kids and
that I would be back next year. I am allergic to flowers and I spent all day
with a dry throat, and choking, and then I realized that my beautiful plant
was going to the neighbor's.
A short comment about Ivan. Look back at his exubriant letter when he
won the appeal--he says in there that he will be re-assessed this summer. He
knew it, knows it know; again he is scared. No matter the time frame, 3
evaluations in 9 mos, he probably has to be evaluated at least once per year.
The other evaluation may have been due to the appeal. Ivan is scared, Ivan
wants attention--it is unfair for him, now that you and Peter are having so
many difficulties, to demand your attention. There is nothing new in Ivan's
letter yesterday;it is how he is reacting. He wants you, me, whoever to get
all upset for him: We are being manipulated, again. I understand he is
lonely, etc., but he should really get a counselor, a social worker, a
psychiatrist who can teach him how to cope when he gets scared. Camillia,
there is really nothing you or I can do to help Ivan other than to ignore him
when he acts like this.
It is going to rain, again, tomorrow. Oh, well, it is good for the
plants and I don't melt, Katie.
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