hi all
this subject has popped up again recently
and since i found these while working on the
next instalment of 'janet's journal'
i thought i'd re- and cross-post them
janet
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Post: 039530
Date: 1998/03/28
Subj: your work is not your worth
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hi all
in light of discussions re disability benefits, retirement, et
cetera
and
in light of the pd connection with cd in 50% of us
and
in light of our society's frequent confusion between
self-esteem and selfishness
i have found this helpful in the past
and hope it might be relevant to my cyber-siblings now
janet
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from "feeling good" by dr. david burns
chapter 13 "your work is not your worth"
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a silent assumption that leads to anxiety and depression is
"my worth as a human being is proportional
to what i have achieved in my life"
this attitude is at the core of western culture
and the protestant work ethic
it sounds innocent enough
in fact
it is self-defeating, grossly inaccurate, and malignant
there are four valid paths to self-esteem
the first
is both pragmatic and philosophical
essentially you must acknowledge that human "worth"
is just an abstraction
it doesn't exist
therefore you cannot have it or fail to have it
and it cannot be measured
worth is not a thing
it is just a global concept
nor is it a useful and enhancing concept
it is simply self-defeating
it doesn't do you any good
it only causes suffering and misery
so rid yourself immediately of any claim to being 'worthy'
and you'll never have to measure up again
or fear being worthless
"but i'm a humanistic or spiritual person" you might argue
"i've always been taught that all human beings have worth
and i just don't want to give up this concept"
very well
if you want to look at it this way
i'll agree with you
and this brings us to the second path to self-esteem
acknowledge that everyone has one "unit of worth"
from the time they are born
until the time they die
as an infant
you may achieve very little
and yet you are still precious and worthwhile
when you are old or ill
relaxed or asleep
or just doing "nothing"
you still have "worth"
your "unit of worth"
can't be measured
amd can never change
and it is the same for everyone
during your lifetime
you can enhance your happiness and satisfaction
through productive living
or
you can act in a destructive manner
and make yourself miserable
but
your "unit of worth" is always there
along with your potential for self-esteem and joy
since you can't measure it or change it
there is no point in dealing with it
or being concerned about it
leave that up to god
here is the third path to self-esteem
recognize
that there is only one way
you can lose a sense of self-worth:
by persecuting yourself with unreasonable illogical negative
thoughts
self-esteem
can be defined as the state that exists
when you are not arbitrarily haranguing and abusing yourself
but choose to fight back against these automatic thoughts
with meaningful rational responses
when you do this effectively
you will experience a natural sense of jubilation
and self-endorsement
essentially you don't have to get the river flowing
you just have to avoid
damming it
here is the fourth solution
self-esteem can be viewed as your decision
to treat yourself like a
beloved friend
imagine that a vip you respect came suddenly to visit you one day
how might you treat that person:
you would wear your best clothes
and offer your finest wine and food
and you would do everything you could
to make her feel comfortable and pleased with her visit
you would be sure to let her know how highly you valued her
and how honoured you were that she chose to spend some time with
you
now - why not treat yourself like that
do it all the time if you can
after all
no matter how impressed you are with your favourite vip
you
are more important to you
than she is
so why not treat yourself at least as well
would you
insult and harangue a guest with vicious distorted put downs?
would you
peck away at her weaknesses and imperfections?
then why do this to yourself?
your self torment
becomes pretty silly when you look at it this way
do you
have to earn the right
to treat yourself in this loving caring way?
no
this attitude of self-esteem
will be an assertion that you make
based on a full awareness of your strengths and imperfections
you will fully acknowledge your positive attributes
without false humility or a sense of superiority
you will freely admit to all your errors and inadequacies
without any sense of inferiority or self-depreciation whatever
this attitude embodies the essence
of self love and self respect
it does not have to be earned
it cannot be earned in any way
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janet paterson: an akinetic rigid subtype, albeit perky, parky .
pd: 54/41/37 cd: 54/44/43 tel: 613 256 8340 email: [log in to unmask] .
snail mail: 375 Country Street, Apt 301, Almonte, Ontario, Canada, K0A 1A0 .
a new voice: the nnnewsletter: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/janet313/ .
a new voice: the wwweb site: http://www.geocities.com/janet313/ .
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