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Vicky - I'm truly sorry you had to go through all that pain, misery and
woe while you were growing up.  I wonder though if you went with your
husband and stayed in the back ground that you could satisfy yourself and
still keep the peace. Just stay long enough for your sister and Mom to
see you.  I agree that the best revenge is to present a happy face
(That's what Ivana Trump always said).  The thing is, he knows what he
did to you, and he may be just as hesitant  to see you, as you are to see
him.  There is such a thing called ignoring a person, and you probably
have a lovely back, so when you turn it to him, that's all he'll see.
He'll get the message.  Best wishes in whatever you decide.  Jo Ann

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