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Kim, I do understand your frustration/dilemna with wanting to help your mom.....my mother was in a nursing home for 3 1/2 years prior to her death in 2001 (and she received excellent care for the last 3 years of her life.....we did have a few months in the nursing home from ----!!) Your family situation is the same as so many of us........distance, jobs, other family responsibilities, our own health......keep us from being the fulll time caregivers that our subconscious keeps telling us to be. Full time in home care is a possibility........if a family member is available full time 24/7......in case the "hired caregiver" does not show up......and the home is safe/accessible for the patient.......and if there is no need for outside stimulation other than the television and an occasional visitor.......and full time household help is also available. We do need to be constantly working to get support for better salaries, benefits and support for extended care facilities. Finding staff, maintaining staff morale, and keeping staff is an ongoing problem with nursing homes....most employees could make more money working at McDonald's.......with less hassle. In our family......mother lived 800 miles from either my sister or myself (she had refused to move closer to us for many years)........we finally moved mother to a facility near my sister. My sister was working full time (physical therapist) since her husband had been forced into an early retirement because of economic cutbacks at his company.....his mother was in a retirement community and finally a nursing home before her death (200 miles away in another direction).....during the same 3 1/2 years we were dealing with mother's issues. Also....my sister's 33 year old daughter was treated/died from complications of surgery following removal of a benign brain tumor.......her other daughter had 3 preschoolers and was 300 miles away.......My daughter and her husband (1500 miles away in another direction) were coping with two preschoolers, the youngest of whom had two liver transplants in a 30 day time period.....and he was in ICU for 94 days.....we were also trying to keep their 4 year old with a "normal" life. Not to mention my PD, and several other "life routines" that kept us physically, emotionally and economically challenged. We all would like the ideal of having the opportunity to die in our own homes. Sometimes life intervenes and that is not possible. Would my mother have preferred to have been at home? Yes. Would we have preferred to have had her in our homes? Yes. Was it physically possible for us to do so....with some sacrifices on our part? NO. Do not condemn a family for making the decision of a nursing home (and plenty of mother's friends accused us of everything!!). Do not insist that your family vow to never place you in a skilled nursing facility....it is a difficult enough decision to make without knowing they are breaking a promise to you. Nursing homes are not filled with patients because families do not want the responsibility. They are filled with patients because families are coping with their responsibilities. Work to insure that decent conditions exist for staff as well as patients. Sincerely, Rita Weeks ---------------------------------------------------------------------- To sign-off Parkinsn send a message to: mailto:[log in to unmask] In the body of the message put: signoff parkinsn