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Virginia, I haven't had a husband in a nursing home, but have several relatives that meant a lot to me. Out of three placements in nursing homes, only one was what I call homey if that fits. No one I think were expected to leave it for a home. At least those that worked there were receptive to the needs of the patients most of whom were elderly or confined by degenerative conditions. My Grandmother was in this one. They certainly made every effort to give them all a chance to take part in the on going events that the activity director planned on a daily or weekly basis plus all who worked there seemed to be cheerful. Other ones that are in my Seattle area were mediocre to bad when we visited them. My mother and I looked at several that had *good* reputations and all but the last one had lingering odors or people rolled out in wheel chairs in the halls or front no matter what time of day. The choice we had to be make that day so my Aunt could leave the hospital. We knew the importance of frequent and unannounced visits to observe. During one early evening visit my Aunt told me she had waited all day to be bathed. When I went up to the desk they didn't act as if they knew who she was. I asked to talk with the charge nurse who came in from her dinner annoyed that I had bothered her. If I hadn't insisted that she have her shower and a young male can who knew her said he would stay on to give her this she wouldn't have had one at all I know. It always is a concern if to complain means worse treatment and whether the rough treatment she said she had was because we did. Without any proof we could only report it to the patient representative and to the State. Twice she was locked out of the building after visiting hours and not missed even though the door had to buzz when it opened any time of the day. My family did the best we could visiting most days, trying to make sure her clothes didn't disappear which they did, but how about the ones who never had anyone come? Someone talked about dignity. I think that this is the main disagreement I have in what can and often happens to dignity when one has to enter a rest home/nursing home. I am not sure that it has a lot to do with what kind of income one has either. It has more to do with the amount of staff, its rapid turnover, their pay and the training required. But, without close supervision of how the staff acts, and how the patients are treated, it is only a way to make a living for the owners especially if they are not directly involved in its operation. I may give some credence to the over worked nursing staff and under manned other help in the facilities, but if they don't do the job that they were hired to do and do not like what they do, then they should find another occupation. Anyone who is a pwp or a cg knows the critical need to have their medication taken regularly within a small tolerance. I am not sympathetic to any staff when it is about medications not being given on a schedule that is important rather within the "guidelines of time" that Medicare allows. I have long thought that it is cruel to keep people alive just "because" when all quality of life has gone with little or no hope it will return. Yet I may be only one of the few who cry in the wind making little difference in the general idea that life is sacred. Strange to think that sacred denotes value huh? ---------------------------------------------------------------------- To sign-off Parkinsn send a message to: mailto:[log in to unmask] In the body of the message put: signoff parkinsn