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Hello to one and all. Now, let's see where was I? Well, welcome to the woods of Northern Michigan and to Parkinsaw. It's been too long no? New policy up here. Like less is better. With our bilateral DBS a year and a half old now, we're running smoother with more horsepower, although the aging parts misfire occasionally. (Where am I going with these metaphors?) Anyway, it's lunch time up here in the brush and I believe I'll go on down to the Northern Lights for a Levolager breweski and a brat. Beer. It's not just for breakfast any more. John Bjork The Parkinsaw Chronicle Parkinsaw, MI Sept 10, 03 He's baaaaaaak! Welcome back to Parkinsaw, MI, John, I said to myself. Well, what did you expect, a parade of Parkinsaw perfumed pigs proudly portraying pretty piggy posteriors? For Moi? you ask. Not by your local Piggly Wiggly store, Sinemet breath. Well, then, can you explain the reason for the no-show for the last year? No, suffice it to say that the Chronicle lives! I suppose I could say I owe it all to my DBS operation. Nah. How about increased ingestion of Levolager beer? No, can't say that either. Blame it on the Detroit Tiger's cruddy play.(The Tigers, of course, are in danger of setting a new record for post-1900 season losses by a major league baseball team, currently held by the New York Mets for their record setting 120 losses during their 1962-63 season. The terrible Tigs could could also have a pair of 20-game loosers in the pitching department. ) Whatever. Anyhow, the format is the same for those of you already familar with the Chronicle. For those who are new to this, this periodic newsletter reports on events of interest to sufferers of Parkinsons Disease who reside in the imaginary town of Parkinsaw, MI, in Michigan's scenic Upper Perinsula. At times it might appear that the residents of Parkinsaw march to the beat of a different drum; which, of course, is better than marching to no drum at all. Deep Brain Stimulation (DBS) Update. For those who have been on vacation to the moon, with DBS your wily neurosurgeon thread wires through the skull and into the capsula, with no tissue being destroyed. The wires, which remain imbedded in the brain are connected to stimulators containing a battery pack in the chest cavity which produce an adjustible, high frequency current that magically improves symptoms of Parkinson's disease. Up here in Parkinsaw, several patients have complained about receiving TV broadcasts over the implants. In some cases, the complaints involved only getting WLUC TV from Marquette. Mel Soderberg reports that he inadvertenly changed channels when his wife slapped him along side the head. He was not holding the remote at the time. As mentioned, yours truely went under the knife for a bilateral DBS operation last May 02; everything came out splendidly and I'm a changed man fer sure. My head looks like a mogul run but aside from that all symptoms are vastly improved, particularly tremors. Of course, given my memory problems I can't really remember what it was like before the operation so I have to rely on friends and family. Another thing. Medtronics sent me a little plastic wallet card announcing that my stimulators might cause the airport security scanners to give a false reading, while the booklet that came with the stimulators warns that the implanted devices might go to the 'off' position while going through the airport x-ray security check point. Talk about a Gordian Knot: Just what I needed. My Parkinson's Disease stimulators to malfunction just as I'm about ready to fly a couple hours. Flying isn't stressful enough I guess. "Excuse me miss, would y'all bring me six vodka tonics?" Jobs to Avoid. The Parkinsaw Employment Center has advised me that I should not consider seeking employment as a Las Vegas Casino card dealer, snake handler or cruise missile repair technician any time soon. After seeing a huge pine snake on the links last week, I don't need to mess with snakes as a vocation. Maybe I'll take a correspondence course on how to make money being a golf ball restoration specialist. How to make your miserable life even more miserable. C'mon admit it. LIfe can be pretty dreary for we Parkinsonians at times, what with this debilitating, incurable, degenerative, progressive and thoroughly disgusting disease. But wait. You can make yourself and the other people in your life even more miserable. Here's how: You're going to a dinner party with your spouse an hour away from home. You must be on time. Just as you pull into the driveway you announce that you left your medications at home. Better still, you remember to bring along a small pill vial which you assume has your proper medications in it but you didn't check it before you left, and you don't check it now. No, you wait until you're just finishing cocktails before you check. Then you say "Honey, I...." Next newsletter: How to use your disease to get out of house work and other sneaky tricks. The Northern Lights microbrewery is still serving their famous Levolager brewskies, which just go great with high-fat brats. Why is it that everything tasty and good in life is bad for us. Anyway, there's going to be a polka party down there this Saturday night featuring The Six Fat Neuros Band. A one, and a two...... See you there. And now as the sun sinks slowly in the west over Lake Parkinsaw the deer will be out soon into the brush foraging for food. Such lovely creatures, but they are sure rough on the gardens. We leave you with this thought. Don't for a minute let this nasty disease get you down. Don't let it rob you of God's gift to you of your smile, laugh and sense of humor. Visit Sparkle and Parkinsaw often. They're fun places to visit. John Bjork The Parkinsaw Cronicle www.mikeauldridge.com/parkinsn.htm ---------------------------------------------------------------------- To sign-off Parkinsn send a message to: mailto:[log in to unmask] In the body of the message put: signoff parkinsn