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OHIO: Love, Care, Commitment Battle Illnesses Wife looks after husband diagnosed with Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease By KATHIE DICKERSON Staff Writer (Coshocton Tribune, OH) Sunday, May 2, 2004 WARSAW -- Bob Bolen watches people walking by his house or working in their yards through the large picture window in his living room. They're his neighbors and friends in the neighborhood where he's lived for the past 32 years. Not so long ago, he was out there with them. But not anymore. Bob was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and Parkinson's disease eight years ago. "Any one of those is bad enough, but we got hit with a double whammy," said his wife, Edie. She made a commitment to Bob more than 55 years ago -- for better or worse. "I wouldn't have it any other way," she said. "I thank God for every day I have him." There isn't a cure for either disease, although symptoms of Parkinson's -- a degenerative movement disorder -- can be relieved with medication. Alzheimer's disease is a disorder that destroys brain cells. It is the leading cause of dementia, a condition that involves memory loss. Persons with Alzheimer's often become unable to perform routine tasks, and they experience impaired judgment and personality changes. Before Bob became ill, the Bolens led a full life. They raised four children. Bob retired from General Electric in 1986. He was mayor of Warsaw in the 1960s. He was an outdoorsman who enjoyed hunting and fishing, and he was an avid gardener. In addition to a typical vegetable garden, Bob grew fruits and berries -- blueberries, strawberries and raspberries, Edie said. "And he loved roses." Despite the diagnosis, Bob did relatively well, until a case of diverticulitis (inflamed pouches in the colon) sent him to the hospital for 50 days last fall. "It was never a question," Edie said. "I knew I was bringing him home as soon as I could. They weren't doing anything I couldn't do." Bob is now bedridden and totally dependent on Edie for everything -- eating, drinking, even turning over in bed. "He couldn't stay here at home if it weren't for her commitment," said Elaine Silvernail, a registered nurse with College Park Home Health Care. "It's unconditional love for him." Edie's day begins at 6 a.m. She tends to Bob's needs before heading off to the shower and making that all-important pot of coffee. At 7 a.m. she gives Bob his breakfast -- via a tube in his stomach. Afterwards, she eats a light breakfast and enjoys a cup of coffee. Later, she encourages Bob to eat something by mouth. After his bath, she takes a break to read devotions and watch the news. By 10 a.m. it's time for Bob's medicine and a second tube feeding. At noon she gives him a light lunch by mouth, after which he usually naps. That's when Edie gets to the household chores -- laundry and yard work. In between those duties, she repositions Bob in his bed every two or three hours. In the late afternoon she begins the evening meal. At 10 p.m. she has Bob tucked in for the night. That's when Edie takes care of correspondence and pays the bills before retiring around midnight. But her care goes beyond just making sure Bob's needs are met. She also sees that he's entertained. Edie has about 20 years worth of home videos she plays for Bob. "He's quite interested in them, and he really focuses in on them at times," she said. Audio sermons taped by the Rev. Peter Elencovf of Warsaw United Methodist Church are also a part of Bob's routine. Elencovf thinks the Bolens relationship is remarkable. "It's perpetual giving without receiving much in return," he said. Elencovf has a number of parishioners caring for family members with Alzheimer's. Unfortunately, staying at home isn't always an option, as victims of the disease can become agitated, frustrated and lash out at their caregivers. Edie knows she's fortunate that Bob hasn't become argumentative. "He hasn't gotten mean," she said. "I'm thankful for that. He still reaches over and pulls me down for kisses." Still, caring for someone with the disease can be emotionally draining. "Because they often don't respond, you look for a response in the smallest things," Elencovf said. "One of the wonderful things that can happen in a small congregation like Warsaw is that someone makes a point to offer some relief, to give her some respite." Edie said she grew up in a loving family, "and I guess it kind of carried over." She prepares meals the way she always has, like ham and sweet potatoes for dinner. "He eats what we eat," she said. "But usually I have to puree it." Silvernail said that's just another example of Edie's tender loving care. "There are three things as important as any pill," Silvernail said. "Those are caring, sharing and love. People need to know they're loved. I attribute Bob's longevity to the type of care he's getting." Edie said she gets out as often as she needs to, which is usually once a week for shopping. "I could get out more if I wanted to. There are people who would come stay with him," she said. "But I don't need, to." A neighbor or family member sometimes stays with Bob. There's also an aide from College Park, Tammy Schirm, who gives Bob a bath and helps with other light duties several times a week. "Without God, family and College Park I couldn't do it," Edie said. Barbara Rollins, one of the Bolens' daughters, said her mother is doing a great job taking care of Bob, but she's worried her mother will wear herself out. "I'm fine. Look at me, I'm still fat and sassy," Edie said. Besides, she said there are a lot of good neighbors helping her, and she doesn't feel she's doing anything extraordinary, just what needs to be done. "You've got to have the desire, love and perseverance to get through every day," Edie said. "And you've got to have faith in God and family. It's not that hard -- it's an easy job taking care of him. The hard part is seeing him like that. If he could tell us, he'd want to be here -- in his own home." Home -- where the love is, and where he can watch his neighbors through the big picture window in his living room. [log in to unmask] 295-3442 SOURCE: Coshocton Tribune, OH http://www.coshoctontribune.com/news/stories/20040502/localnews/341865.html * * * ---------------------------------------------------------------------- To sign-off Parkinsn send a message to: mailto:[log in to unmask] In the body of the message put: signoff parkinsn