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Hansen: Let's color code system for morals attacks By MARC HANSEN - REGISTER COLUMNIST November 6, 2004 It wasn't the war. It wasn't the economy. It wasn't the deficit. It wasn't health care, education or taxes. It was values that got George Bush elected for a second term. That's what the totally dependable exit polls said on Election Day. Twenty-two percent of the voters surveyed put "moral values" ahead of everything else as their top concern. What's more, 79 percent of the people who listed "moral values" voted for the president. Oh, sure. Now they tell us what's important. Three presidential debates and all we hear is terrorism, terrorism, terrorism. Iraq, Iraq, Iraq. Security, security, security. We should have known. The truth is, moral values really do matter. Some people even have them - more Republicans than Democrats, we're told - but that doesn't change the fact that few things in American life are cherished more. Theoretically. That's why I am proposing today that the president begin his second term by creating a Department of Homeland Values and instituting a color-coded warning system. We already have a color-coded system that evaluates the likelihood of a terrorist attack. Why not establish a system that tells us when our moral fiber is getting soggy? As you know, the terror warning system is a marvel of simplicity. Red means the United States is at severe risk of a terrorist attack. Orange is high, yellow elevated, blue guarded and green low. At the moment, most of the country is resting semi-alertly on code yellow, with New York and Washington poised on ready-to-move red. It's time to create a similar system for moral values. I'm thinking out loud now, but here are the categories, some hypothetical situations and the suggested responses. Red: The godless heathens are taking over. The sanctity of marriage is in jeopardy. Civil unions are becoming legal in all the blue states and even a few of the red ones. Gay marriage is warming up in the on-deck circle. Janet Jackson reveals all while performing at Hillary Clinton's inauguration. Head for a remote mountain cabin and crawl under the bed. Orange: Foreign billionaire George Soros changes his will, pledging to bequeath every penny he has to embryonic stem-cell research, giving new hope to countless Parkinson's, Alzheimer's, ALS, cancer and spinal cord patients. He quotes an off-the-wall letter from 80 know-it-all Nobel laureates explaining why this is a good thing. They say vaccinations for measles, rubella, hepatitis A, rabies and poliovirus have been produced in cells derived from a human fetus to the benefit of millions of Americans. They say precedent has been set for the use of fetal tissue that otherwise would have been discarded . . . yada, yada, yada. What to do? Take notice of your surroundings. Stay away from major research centers, academics, foreign billionaires and anyone with facial hair. Yellow: Congress passes a law prohibiting basketball players at public high schools and state universities from "crossing themselves" at the free-throw line. The traditional "Christmas play" is officially called the "multi-cultural pre-winter-break production." Continue to be vigilant. Hide the children. Or at least home-school them. Blue: Eminem raps the national anthem in the first game of the World Series, but things are looking up. He is booed off the field. This time hide the pets. Report suspicious cultural or ethnic activities to local authorities and stay informed about what to do during an ideological emergency. Green: One of the newly elected U.S. senators is a man who is on record saying abortion doctors should be executed and gay teachers should be fired. Truth, justice and beauty reign, but this is no time to relax. Establish an emergency moral-values preparedness kit and a communications plan for yourself and your family. What? You say that last example is not a hypothetical? I never said the moral-values game doesn't get tricky. One person's cherished values are another's dirty little secrets, and vice versa. But as we learn anew every four years, no system is perfect. SOURCE: The Des Moines Register, IA http://tinyurl.com/4u6b7 * * *Murray Charters <[log in to unmask]> Please place this address in your address book Please purge all others Web site: Parkinsons Resources on the WWWeb http://www.geocities.com/murraycharters ---------------------------------------------------------------------- To sign-off Parkinsn send a message to: mailto:[log in to unmask] In the body of the message put: signoff parkinsn