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David, Since you did me the honor of inclusion in this discussion, I will add that when I had ovarian cancer my high school students were absolutely wonderful, looking after me, helping me. I had my first surgery when school started and they were all waiting for me several weeks later even though they didn't know me. I told them everything. One said "there should be a sign in his room 'Miss Brown was here'". Another said '"you've shown us what somebody can do (with a bad situation)" Yet another offered to get me marijuana. Ha Ha I didn't take him up on it, but thought this was a touching gesture. This was 1979-80, 81. Another took my AP European History class/seminar so she could look after me very day. I was very lucky. They were not your WASP types at all, but all races and creeds, I don't know if this had anything to do with it, but it might have. They treated me much better than my nieces, brother and his wife. Ray ----- Original Message ----- From: "DAVID LEWIN" <[log in to unmask]> To: <[log in to unmask]> Sent: Sunday, June 11, 2006 3:35 PM Subject: Re: On being a parent witth PD > To Bev and Ray, > I don't know whether the self-absorbed behavior of teenagers is a > genetically derived adaptation or the consequence of recent culture, but I > do know they have an especially hard time empathizing with a once all > powerful parent who has developed a chronic illness. The easy explanation > is that it is a matter of the survival of the group. No group of hominids > trying to survive on the brushland of Africa would have survived long if > they expended a great deal of energy trying to keep a disabled parent > hobbling along who could hardly keep up. On the other hand, maybe a > teenager's entittlement behavior is a result of having too much time on > their hands lately. Up until the recent past, most teenagers would have > been apprenticed by the time they had reached thirteen. Only in the last > few hundred years has their evolved this party-time culture among > teenagers > where they don't have to work, they are fullly supported, and they don't > know what to do with their lives but feel compellled to have a good time. > I > remember the feeling of wanting to be truly free to explore the world well > into my unapprenticed twenties. So, before our children dump us into > nursing > homes because they don't want to be bothered, perhaps we should bring back > the Middle Ages. But I suppose, it's too late for that. David > > >>From: Beverly Bashe <[log in to unmask]> >>Reply-To: Parkinson's Information Exchange Network >><[log in to unmask]> >>To: [log in to unmask] >>Subject: Re: On being defined by our name >>Date: Sat, 10 Jun 2006 14:02:48 -0400 >> >>Those are wise words, David. >> >>Your comment, "...they don't understand illness," is very appropriate. It >>reminds me of a story. >> >>Years ago, a friend of mine, Anne Marie, went to the hospital after >>suffering a relapse of breast cancer. She didn't want to tell her 4 >>teenage >>children (3 girls, 1 boy), fearing that she'd make them worry. Anne Marie >>was the ultimate mother. The children were musical geniuses. Anne Marie >>used to take them on the train into Manhattan at 5:30 a.m. each day to go >>to >>the Manhattan School of Music. She was totally devoted to them. When she >>realized that the travel time was inhibiting their friendships, she >>brought >>them to the private school that I was teaching at in our home town. Anne >>Marie, even though she was in pain and getting no help from her doctors, >>volunteered as an aide at the school, including in my kindergarten class, >>so >>that the 4 children could go there at a reduced tuition. She was one of >>the >>dearest people in the world, even tempered, sweet, intelligent, >>articulate...I really can't say enough about her. On Saturday, she'd >>bring >>the kids back into Manhattan for music lessons. >> >>When she went to the hospital, I would see her every day after school. >>She >>asked me what to say to the children, because her heart was breaking . I >>told her that she must, absolutely tell them the truth and give them a >>chance to deal with it. I also said that no matter what she would say to >>them, their imaginations would have been making it worse. She followed my >>advice, brought them in the next day, told them everything...and you >>wouldn't believe what they said to her: "Oh, is that the problem? We >>thought you didn't love us anymore." >> >>After all she'd done for them, been to them, shown them her love, this was >>what they'd collectively come up with. Can you imagine??? Anne Marie was >>stunned, as was I when she phoned and told me of their conversation. This >>taught me a lot...especially not to second guess what kids were thinking, >>because it probably would not be what actually was in their minds! >> >>As to your advice to let him be "the bad guy," excellent! My goodness, >>David, you're "right on," in my humble opinion. >> >>Bev cg David 70/59/31??? >>----- Original Message ----- >>From: "DAVID LEWIN" <[log in to unmask]> >>To: <[log in to unmask]> >>Sent: Friday, June 09, 2006 10:01 AM >>Subject: Re: On being defined by our name >> >> >>>Dear Elizabeth, >>>There is no reason to panic. Living with a teenager is usually very >>>stressful. Right now you should think about taking care of yourself. I >>>am >>>a parent of several teenagers and I too had the shock of my wife driving >>>me >>>away and trying to turn my children against me. Teenagers are very >>>self-absorbed, they don't want to be caretakers, they are afraid of >>>illness, >>>they do not understand illness. They just want to have fun. As my >>>sixteen >>>year old son said, "Your illness is ruining my childhood." If your >>>daughter >>>wants to live with her father, don't fight her on this. You say you live >>>close to your ex-husband. Good. Let him be the one who fights with her >>>when she comes home at 2 o'clock in the morning. Let your husband be the >>>one who is upset when she takes the car. Be the refuge for your daughter >>>when she rebels against his authority. Let him be la bete noire. Look to >>>your future and your needs. She'll come back to you when she's older and >>>wiser. >>> David >>> >>>>From: El Che <[log in to unmask]> >>>>Reply-To: Parkinson's Information Exchange Network >>>><[log in to unmask]> >>>>To: [log in to unmask] >>>>Subject: Re: On being defined by our name >>>>Date: Fri, 9 Jun 2006 04:05:35 -0400 >>>> >>>>Hello, >>>> >>>>I am more afraid about the new ways of speaking about PD as a >>>>psychologic >>>>disease or addiction symptoms resulting of agonist effects... After >>>>years >>>>of studying "physical symptoms" the new trends seems to look on the size >>>>of >>>>"psychological effects" or in a view with Parkinson Disease is a >>>>"demence" >>>>as some people say in France. I just come back in Canada (Quebec) from >>>>a >>>>trip in my family in France and I could tell you that people with PD are >>>>not >>>>open like us in North America to tell openely they have PD. Because >>>>the >>>>diseases relatives to a brain disorder is viewing as "suspect" and it is >>>>sometime a shame in a family to have one person having that. It's >>>>almost >>>>like MST diseases...Disease from my point of view is not a bad word... a >>>>disease, in particular with physical symptoms like mouvment disorders is >>>>a >>>>"clean disease" because it is not something "bad" that you did to have >>>>it >>>>(ex. AIDS should be more problematic to announced it around a table in a >>>>business lunch or at work. And please, I understand and compatise with >>>>people who had any diseases, I just took AIDS as an example to make a >>>>point: >>>> disease that we could speak about and, not be proud to have it of >>>>course, >>>>but not be ashamed too. >>>> >>>>Until now I was very open to talk about PD around me but now I begin to >>>>feel >>>>more nervous, anxious... >>>> >>>>My personal preoccupation is people using PD effects on humor or even >>>>not >>>>be >>>>a "stable person because you have tremor and in a nervous situation you >>>>are >>>>shaking more and more"...to destroy the confidence in the PD person... >>>>as >>>>I >>>>recently divorced, my ex-husband still plays with the words about "my PD >>>>and >>>>volatility effects" and my daugther, who was very close to me younger, >>>>is >>>>now closer to him as he is a very stable person ! I don't know exactly >>>>to >>>>explain me but I hope you could understand that I am afraid to lost my >>>>daugther.... I am a good mother and still coult take care on her.... but >>>>they began together lifing about somes mistakes I should make... and >>>>after >>>>that said some words, but still in a joking way, about my driving way (I >>>>"take" sometime the corner to close and a wheel jump a little bit on the >>>>sideway) but I am driving prudently and I am not a "public >>>>danger"....but >>>>as my daugther became "a little bit afraid to be in my car", she >>>>prefered >>>>taking the bus or having his father taking her....inch by inch, day by >>>>day, >>>>my ex-husband maid some points and I am not in a good position to fight >>>>with >>>>him. >>>> >>>>The worst for me now is that they told me recently that maybe next year, >>>>as >>>>she has now 14 years old, she could decide to live full time in his >>>>house. >>>>Legally divorced just last december, we had the "garde partagée" which >>>>is >>>>one week for her to be with me, one week with him. We live closer and >>>>even >>>>if it is not the best way of living, I could not imagine my life without >>>>ma >>>>daugther at home, even if she is in a bad mood. >>>> >>>>So, I do not want to cry on my condition but I needed to tell that... >>>>With >>>>the hope to have some understanding in that place, maybe some of you had >>>>passed by a same way and tell me or give me some hints to do or things >>>>to >>>>avoid. >>>> >>>>Thanks anyway for having reading me until the end :-) >>>> >>>>Elisabeth >>>> >>>>_________________________________________________________________ >>>>Vous cherchez une maison? Visitez Sympatico / MSN Immobilier >>>>http://mamaison.sympatico.msn.ca/Immobilier >>>> >>>>---------------------------------------------------------------------- >>>>To sign-off Parkinsn send a message to: >>>>mailto:[log in to unmask] >>>>In the body of the message put: signoff parkinsn >>> >>>---------------------------------------------------------------------- >>>To sign-off Parkinsn send a message to: >>>mailto:[log in to unmask] >>>In the body of the message put: signoff parkinsn >> >>---------------------------------------------------------------------- >>To sign-off Parkinsn send a message to: >>mailto:[log in to unmask] >>In the body of the message put: signoff parkinsn > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- > To sign-off Parkinsn send a message to: > mailto:[log in to unmask] > In the body of the message put: signoff parkinsn ---------------------------------------------------------------------- To sign-off Parkinsn send a message to: mailto:[log in to unmask] In the body of the message put: signoff parkinsn