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Since I'm my own caregiver, guess I'll follow this advice, e.g. quiet time, doing something good for myself: Sixty Plus: Caring for the caregiver Published: Monday, April 23, 2007 By Sarah Lemnah Free Press Columnist For thousands of families across Vermont, there is a daily struggle to care for loved ones who are sick or in failing health. Oftentimes adult children and elderly spouses are called upon to provide direct care for their family members. When someone is failing and needs constant assistance, the caregiver is balancing primary care, such as feeding, bathing and dressing their loved one, with buying groceries, paying bills, cleaning the house and arranging medical appointments. What is often overlooked is the caregiver. "Caregivers are isolated," says Lori Wright, Franklin County Home Health and Alzheimer Association educator. "Friends and families look away because they don't know what to say or do." Oftentimes caregivers will pre-decease the one from whom they are attending. Caregivers are stressed out, overtired, and often they are receiving little support from others. Many caregivers are so focused on their loved one that they do not take of themselves. Caregivers are at risk for burnout and depression. They may be fatigued from lack of sleep, have memory loss, be confused, experience an anger outburst or have a teary outbreak. They also might not want to eat, or they might eat too much. Wright recommends caregivers get as much help as they can. "Try to have some quiet time, and do something good for yourself," she says. Many caregivers do not ask for help because they believe they can cope, but caregivers need people to help them make it through this difficult journey. Talking to other caregivers in support groups can help, too. Many people agonize over whether they should provide for their loved one at home or if they need to place them in a nursing home. For some, relying on the help of paid caregivers in the home can lessen the burden. A nursing home is also not always a financial option; for others, emotionally they cannot handle this alternative. Many adult children and spouses feel guilty about the idea of nursing home care. Many say they promised their loved one that they would never be in a nursing home, but sometimes it comes to a point that families can no longer care for their loved one. Wright tries to tell caregivers that when they promised their loved ones that they would stay home the situation was different. Those promises were made when their loved one was healthy or less dependent, and now that the situation has changed they must understand that their parent or spouse would not want to put them through this -- that they would understand. At some point, most of us will be caregivers -- whether it is for a parent, a spouse or a sibling who is failing due to Alzheimer's, cancer, Parkinson's, multiple sclerosis or a whole host of other chronic illnesses. I understand firsthand the struggle of balancing a job, taking care of a loved one, and trying to make sure everything keeps running. For those struggling to care for loved ones at home, remember that you will be of no use to those who rely on them if you do not take care of yourself. Caregivers need to make sure that they are keeping themselves healthy. They need to make sure they have some time away, and they need to reach out to family, friends, neighbors and professional caregivers to help. Sarah Lemnah writes on senior issues for the Champlain Valley Agency on Aging, a private, nonprofit United Way organization. For more information on services for seniors call the Senior HelpLine at (800) 642-5119. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- To sign-off Parkinsn send a message to: mailto:[log in to unmask] In the body of the message put: signoff parkinsn