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Ray,

I am really sorry to hear about the problems you are having with your
caregiver.  The trouble with help - and we in India know about this because
help around the home is commonplace here - often is that what one does for
them out of consideration soon begins to be taken as a right and the next
thing you know, these boundaries are being stretched (in fact, I am
experiencing this right now with our help!).  The thing that one has to
remember as an employer is that this is a professional relationship and it
needs to be kept that way.  One tends to feel a little bad and do the
ordinary human thing of being kind, but here at least kindness is perceived
as weakness and taken advantage of.

I think NK is right - you need to ask her what is bothering her.  And in
that discussion, you need to re-state your requirements and needs.  She may
not be smart or sophisticated, but she will understand that her part of the
bargain is that she has to do the caregiving *you* need, not what she thinks
she wants to do.  This is what you need to make clear to her.

All the best, and do keep us posted.

Moneesha

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