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Dear Rayilyn, I'm so sorry, but my experience is that when you get to this point, you have to move on and find a new person. I know it's really hard to find somebody. I've had a lot of help over the years, first when my husband had terminal cancer and then for the past three and a half years to help me with my daughter and the house since I have a really demanding job. And my father who has PD is in care with numerous caregivers. A trusted friend tells me that these relationships have a life-cycle and that the relationship kind of "wears out" after a while and this makes sense to me. Also, in managing people at work I have found that letting them take advantage and continue on while they are not performing is psychologically damaging to them as well as to the manager, better to let them go find another job after a few attempts to work with them. What worries me here is the abuse potential. This person is not listening to you or treating you with respect and you are vulnerable (less vulnerable than some because you have friends and are the Director of your chapter, so have support, but still vulnerable). On a very prosaic note, that business with the laundry worries me because it means she's not cleaning the lint traps and is overloading the machines, both risks of fire. After a few rounds with my cleaning lady over the same thing, I have prohibited her from doing any of my laundry. As far as letting your person go, I've found it better to be very pragmatic and not get into details. You just tell the person (or better yet have a relative or other person tell them) that the schedule isn't working out and you've found someone else who is a better fit. You'll need help especially if she has keys and access to your house. People with this mentality can get angry and then justify various sorts of "revenge." Once was sharing a nanny with another family. Had to let her go after about two months because she wasn't showing up for work (which meant that neither of us could get to work). Her final act was to turn on all the water in the house and stop up the drains while the other family was at work. There are good caregivers out there and certainly better than what you're describing. My grandmother had one, for instance, and even my cleaning lady with all her issues (she has grown old working for me so despite the issues I won't let her go) would be better. Good luck, it's almost a new year, a good time to make a change. Kathy rayilynlee wrote: > Hi NK and fellow Parkies and CGs: > > I've had company the last few days and unable to do computer work. I'm completely worn out. > > I'm also having problems with my "caregiver". For sometime now she has been very annoyed and angry with me for my voice problems. Because I am not screaming bloody murder she assumes PD is like getting old. If I raise my voice she reacts like I am angry with her even though I have explained that I "strangle" when I try to speak. I typed her a message on the computer this week. The trouble is she is not a very smart or sophisticated person and is not going to change. She will never understand Parkinson's. > > I'm putting this message on the PIEN in an effort to get advice from everyone. > > There are other problems too (last Christmas she threw out my mothers ashes), the destruction of my clothes with lint, wrinkles, putting white and dark colors together is reaching a critical mass and she denies any responsibility and she told me I should buy different kinds of clothes. She left me for over an hour at the manicurist while she ate lunch last week. I don't mind her always eating on the job, but this was too much. She never answered her phone when the proprietors called her several times. > > She lives with her daughter, son-in-law and is part-time babysitter for their 3 young children. They both work for Southwest Airlines and she never knows what day she will work for me. She has a hectic life and I try to accommodate her. I store her things in my extra closets for her. > > Any suggestions would be appreciated. She has good qualities and it is not easy to find someone. She has worked for me for 5 years. In the beginning I made a list of chores and left her alone. > > These problems have grown - as my PD has gotten worse. the clothes thing happened a few at a time. eating on job has increased - she used to take me out to eat and I bought her meals. not answering her phone is a few instances at a time. Not wanting to make a big deal out of little things, they have accumulated. > > Ray > > Rayilyn Brown > Director AZNPF > Arizona Chapter National Parkinson Foundation > [log in to unmask] > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- > To sign-off Parkinsn send a message to: mailto:[log in to unmask] > In the body of the message put: signoff parkinsn > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- To sign-off Parkinsn send a message to: mailto:[log in to unmask] In the body of the message put: signoff parkinsn