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Moneesha: Thank you for responding. All 3 responses so far have been excellent advice and very helpful. Geez oh peat, life is so grand and I am lucky to be a part of this listserv. Patti -----Original Message----- From: Parkinson's Information Exchange Network [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On Behalf Of Moneesha Sharma Sent: Monday, January 18, 2010 9:40 PM To: [log in to unmask] Subject: Re: advice needed for our daughter Patti, I feel for you in your concern for your much-loved daughter. We parents want to do the best for our children, but so often wonder if indeed we are doing so. I have so much empathy for you, but I don't know that I have any advice to offer. I do have, though, a somewhat similar experience that I thought I would share with you. Sometime ago I was asked to counsel an 18-year-old girl who, I was told, was having all sorts of difficulties at school and at home. In passing it was mentioned that she had become fairly obese in the last few years. I was told that she had seen several counsellors but had not found those sessions useful. I am not myself a counsellor, but am a teacher of many years' experience. When I met S, I found that she was very negative about almost everything in her life - school, schoolmates, parents, siblings, grandmother, her future etc. I also found that there was a trigger situation some years ago that had made her unhappy and she had taken to eating a lot to comfort herself. After talking with her, I came to the conclusion that many of her problems seemed to flow from self-esteem and self-image issues. Things were not improved by a somewhat over-anxious mother, who is herself a counsellor. S was looking for a way to get out of this downward spiral of apathy, negativity and weight gain but had not reacted positively to her earlier sessions with counsellors. I gave her my analysis which she seemed to agree with. I then advised her to work on the weight issues first with the help of professionals, as weight-loss was an achievable goal for her and would have a positive impact on her self-image and self-esteem. Subsequently I had fairly positive feedback about her reaction to her meeting with me, but I have not seen or heard from her since, so I do not know how she is getting on. I don't know if this is of any use to you... Moneesha 2010/1/18 PATTI ZAPF <[log in to unmask]> > I need help and prayed for guidance and here i find myself writing to all > of you for advice. > > Our 24 year old, gorgeous daughter, has become obese over the last 4 years. > She has had wellness check ups and all results were normal. > She has never struggled with her weight before, until she got out on her > on, attended college (not the one of her dreams), met her husband, and has > little financial support from her dad and i, as we pretended to be able to > bring her what she hoped for. We did pay for a lovely afternoon wedding, but > her university schooling has been mostly paid for with her own grants, > loans, and scholarships. > > You see, our daughter is very smart . She wants to earn a good salary, and > she has figured getting a degree as an cpa accountant will bring her that. > In the meantime, her young husband had to pay for his way into school too, > just graduated with a 4 year degree, and has big student loans of his own, > that now need to be paid off, and he is working towards that goal. Her > husband is a hard worker and wants to be able to provide for her. He is a > physical trainer at a nice health club and is able to work out with our > daughter, a couple of times a week there. These two are both 24 years young > and married almost 2 years. > > Her dad and i really have had blinders on when it comes to running out of > money,. In our younger years of raising our daughter and son, we pretended > not to be concerned about running out of money, not thinking that a disease > like Parkinsons' would be so disabling, until we are where we are now, and > realize the Parkinson's has not only cost us not only alot of money, but > also has caused us to be less than great parents. > > Our daughter is our first child together (my husband has 3 older siblings). > She has been the spot light of our life until her brother came along and > stole some of that light. She feels that i favor our son, which i hope not > to be doing, but fear sometimes it comes across like that, altho not > intentionally. > > Her dad, myself, and our daughter have all gone to a counselor and > discussed her issues at different appointments. We have offered to pay for > her to see a doctor that maybe could help her gain control of her weight, > but she is now highly offended. Originally, when we discussed this with our > daughter three years ago, she asked if we thought she was depressed, and we > said no we didn't and left it at that. I thought oh no, a doctor would > prescribe an anti-depressant medication as a quick fix. > > Our daughter does not appear to be really happy. When she talks about some > things she uses terms like hate and makes negative comments. She is > incredibly talented in the arts and has a strong head on her shoulders. Her > New York school she dreamed of attending after high school, fell out of > reach, due to our finances. > > I wish we could give her the financial support we raised her believing > would be there for her, make her feel better about herself, help her lose > the 100 lbs she needs to, and life would be focused on her many wonderful > talents. Her weight scares me, because i know bad things can happen from > excess fat and so, i fear. She had an injured knee from a car accident 3 > years ago, while her husband was driving, that still hurts her too. > > I have read many good bits of advice from several of you on different > issues, so what would you advise to help our dear daughter? thank you for > sharing your thoughts. > > patti cg 16 > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- To sign-off Parkinsn send a message to: mailto:[log in to unmask] In the body of the message put: signoff parkinsn ---------------------------------------------------------------------- To sign-off Parkinsn send a message to: mailto:[log in to unmask] In the body of the message put: signoff parkinsn