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Dear Patti, It can be DIFFICULT to solve our own problems, but it can be IMPOSSIBLE to solve the problems of our family members. The impulse and motivation for solution has to come from within. One VERY VALUABLE thing you can do for your daughter is to STOP DISCUSSING HER WEIGHT WITH HER until she takes the initiative to do so. (If you don't do this now, congratulations!) Concentrate on her intrinsic worth as a person. Concentrate on her strengths. Seek out and concentrate on whatever in her, and about her, is most lovable. Banish the rest. One of the most important and groundbreaking works on therapy and rehabilitation is the book Focusing, by Gene Gendlin. It is available for about $5 used from abesbooks.com or alibris.com or Amazon. Focusing is a healing, psychological process one can learn to do, generally with extraordinary results. Read and re-read the book, and learn to focus (there are resources listed in the book and on the Web), and FOCUS. It takes some practice, and often a little bit of training. Don't worry about getting your daughter to focus. Through focusing, if you undertake to learn really to do so, you will become better able to relate to your daughter so that your concerns come through better, and without your trying. If one has a family member who can COACH one, it is a valuable thing. But one does NOT need a family member to NAG one. Do not nag your daughter. Love her. Don't inflict any thoughts you have about her obesity on her. If you do so compulsively, consider it YOUR OWN problem, and work on yourself. Be patient. You will be amazed at the possibilities for happiness for both yourself and your daughter. Human beings are capable of profound shifts. Remember: "God help me to change the things I can, to accept what I cannot change, and to have the wisdom to know the difference." Keep us posted. And be well. Hugs. Diana ---------------------------------------------------------------------- To sign-off Parkinsn send a message to: mailto:[log in to unmask] In the body of the message put: signoff parkinsn