 |
 |
>My second concern is less well defined. It centers on the issue that my >father is not always so communicative. Sometimes it is difficult to >discuss sensitive issues with him, although lately, with this issue, he has >been very open. Anyway, my brother and I have thought that perhaps we should >not let on to him that we are trying to learn as much as possible about >PD, that we are concerned about it. This isn't coming across quite right, >My own thoughts are to try and keep everything in perspective with how >it is affecting him now, with some thought for the future, and to be >as open as possible with him. ... . > My mother-in-law has had PD for ... well let's see ... fifteen years, I guess. She started out with the shakes, and it's gotten worse over the years. She has a lot of trouble communicating now. It's very hard to discern what her wishes are. I'm not sure whether or not this argues for greater communication earlier, when the disese is not so bad, because I don't think that the patient can anticipate what he/she is looking forward to. With time and patience, I *think* that we are understanding her desires. My father-in-law is and old-fashioned, reared-in-the-depression, self-sufficient (and every-other-hyphenated-description-you-can-think-of) type. He hates to admit weakness, and he hates to ask for help. When help has been offered, he responds cynically, and lashes out at the percived attack on his manhood. We (the family) have borne this with great difficulty. Now, however, the situation is such that he cannot care for her at home, alone. He will need a visiting nurse, or something (currently undefined). He has reached his limit and asked for help. Is there advice in this story? I don't know. Everyone's case is different. I don't think that we could have, in our personal situation, done much to prepare ourselves or my father- and mother-in-law. We try find out what my mother-in-law wants, and respond as appropriate for that time. For my father-in-law, we simply kept offering help and bear with his "abuse". This paid off for us: when he was ready to ask, he knew we would be ready to resond. By the way, his call for help was interesting: A one-line P.S. in a letter written for an unrelated purpose. Maybe a good summary is: patience, an open ear, and gentle offers. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Gary Pajer [log in to unmask] Schlumberger / EMR Photoelectric 609 799-1000 x6700 ----------------------------------------------------------------------