>My mother is the primary care-taker for my father, who was diagnosed with
>PD about 14 years ago. She attends support group meetings, reads tons of
>medical literature, and accompanies him to the doctor. Mom has set
>herself up as the family "expert" on PD, which is fine. However, we kids
>are finding it very difficult to see how Mom is constantly on Dad's case.
>
>When we get together for family gatherings, she watches him like a hawk
>and makes constant belittling comments. "Don't let yourself slump in
>your chair that way." "You can't eat anything until your meds kick in."
>"That has protein, eat this instead." "You're slurring your words, slow
>down." The really frightening thing is that she probably talks to him
>that way all of the time and not just when we are at family gatherings.
>
>I realize that she is with Dad every day, all day, and therefore
>knows his needs better than any of us kids. When we try to make
>light of the situation ("It's a holiday, we're all eating things we
>shouldn't!"), she gets angry that we kids are trying to "undermine" her
>expertese.
>
>Since the holidays are coming up and we will be seeing lots of each
>other, I was wondering if anyone out there has experienced something
>similiar to this and how you dealt with it.
>
>Thanks for your support!
>
>Jane Metz, [log in to unmask]
I can't say I've experienced an overbearing caregiver, since I'm only 27
and have been diagnosed with PD only two years. Check my "Info of Self;
info requests" from 11/18 for a bio of me.
However, once in a while I get annoyed when my father asks me lots of
questions: when he notices my tremor: "have your meds started working
yet?"; "You're dragging your left foot when you walk"; "The side-effects
seem worse today".
But there are many other times when he mentions good things like:
"side-effects seem less today"; "you are walking better". etc. So, I guess
its a trade-off, and I realize when he meantiones the things in the
paragraph that he voicing his own concern and sometimes his sadness. He
has said numerous times that it saddens him to have to watch me work with
PD and he can't directly do anything about it. I remember those words
whenever I get slightly annoyed.
Perhaps you should speak with your mother privately, w/o your father, and
voice your concerns. Support groups can be helpful in this area.
Happy Holidays.
Jeffrey
