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[...] >are finding it very difficult to see how Mom is constantly on Dad's case. > >When we get together for family gatherings, she watches him like a hawk >and makes constant belittling comments. "Don't let yourself slump in >your chair that way." "You can't eat anything until your meds kick in." >"That has protein, eat this instead." "You're slurring your words, slow >down." The really frightening thing is that she probably talks to him >that way all of the time and not just when we are at family gatherings. This sounds exactly like my mother-in-law (the patient) and my father-in-law (the victimizer). It has been very difficult. My wife and her sisters have gotten into screaming fights with their dad over this issue. Dad replies that they don't understand what he's going through. This is probably true, but he had actively rejected, cynically, all offers of help... until he really needed help. Then a positive aspect of the arguments became apparant: no-one was carrying any "hidden baggage". Everyone's cards were on the table. Communication lines were already open. [...] >shouldn't!"), she gets angry that we kids are trying to "undermine" her >expertese. > Your family is not mine. I can't be sure what's right for yours, and I don't know whether what we did was optimum, but expressing our opinions did keep everyone talking. It has been *very* difficult, but it seems to be paying off now. [...] > >Thanks for your support! > >Jane Metz, [log in to unmask] > Thanks for yours! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Gary Pajer [log in to unmask] Schlumberger / EMR Photoelectric 609 799-1000 x6700 ----------------------------------------------------------------------