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Hi Linda Muehl, I want to sympathize with your situation, which parallels mine. It makes it difficult because one can only intervene so far, and then its the responsibility of the spouse, not the children. I have found the best asset for my mother and step-father is the home health organization.It has been a God-send for them and us. As they live in Fla. in the winter, and up here near me in the summer, we have had to activate that service in both places. It's hard to get it started sometimes, but once its in effect, the level of care and help is incredible. They also have a lot of advise to offer since this is their area of expertise, and its all new to us. My suggestion is that if you haven't tried this, that you do so. Take care, and best regards, Lynn Lowe