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While some of you debate the national health care system, the
rest of us can start the year with a few health tips from students.
 
 
For a nosebleed: "Put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops
beating."
 
For dog bite:  "Put the dog away for several days.  If he has not recovered,
then kill it."
 
For asphyxiation:  "Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead."
 
For drowning: "Climb on top of the person and move up and down to make
artivicial prerspiration."
 
Warning:  "When you smell an odorless gas, it is probabily carbon monoxide."
 
"The body consists of three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the
abominable cavity.  The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the
heart and lungs and the abominable cavity contains the vowels, of which there
are five -- a, e, i, o and u."
 
I hope this medical advice helps you get through football.
 
Regards,
Alan Bonander ([log in to unmask])