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In a message dated 95-08-02 07:04:23 EDT, you write:
 
>
>Date:    Tue, 1 Aug 1995 12:50:05 -0400
>From:    Don Voegeli <[log in to unmask]>
>Subject: free net access
>
>TRP=/Hello all, I usually am on line while waiting for my meds to work.
 >This means my hands are very slow and not too accurate.  THIS means >more
time and $$$$ to Online America.
>
>Hence my question:  Is there any FREE online access to Internet or the
>ParkNet?
 
Dear DOVOG (or fellow AOLian if I may be so bold - may the force be with you
but keep your powder dry and your Visa card expiration date handy).  Don, to
camp onto some already excellent advice given you by Tim H (a flock of
[log in to unmask]) there are some other cheap no frills I/net service
providers out there.  Quite often the major universities in your area will
also have such a service and may provide it for little or no expense to their
surrounding citizenry
 
& In the meantime, to screw AOL  out of the extra cash they charge you for
all that fru fru, glitz and Dizzyland stuff that you really don't need while
trying to get to Barb Patterson's 18 step Parkie program e-mail encounter
(OK, Barb, it takes me 6 extra steps because I shuffle a little, got it?) do
you ever use AOL's "flash session" technique? For Don and other AOLians, it
is explained within their MEMBERS SERVICE area but basically it allows you to
1) compose all your mail offline 2) come up for air and sign on the net 3)
WHILE ON the net (only a period of 2 - 4 minutes is needed for a fairly
lengthy session) you a) receive all new mails and dump them to your hard
drive and b) send all your new  mails forward thru the Gateway into Internet
cyberspace   4) down periscope and start the operation again.
 
It seems a little awkward at first but once you get the hang of it, it is
pretty easy to discharge mails, take on new mtls and be about your way while
incurring no significant charges.   Don, if you or others out there in AOLian
fantasyland are still unsure how this works, e-mail me off list and I will
explain in greater detail.
 
And now, because the debbil made me do it and my crazy button always goes
into sensory overload when I haven't had a recent dose of humor to counteract
the blandness of reality and its attendant factoids:
 
1) let me testify that FlacidErections was my first pick for an online name
but it had been already taken on the AOL network, FlacoJiminez, my second
choice, was already wrapped up too so here I stand before you as SandRodent.
  I for one am glad I can blame something on my disease occasionally (not
tonite, honey, I've got Parkinsons ...) but I am a little bit worried you may
infer some analogous behavior if I tell you how long I sometimes stand at my
own front door trying to get the key in the lock  (I think Bob Dylan had a
song out in the 70's about this kind of foreplay called "Knock Knock Knocking
on Heaven's Door" ... I leave the rest to your fertile and unravished by
Parkinson's imaginations ...
& 2) Wendy, mi amiga loca and Parkie scientific sleuth, don't forget the Red
Goose Shoes theory!  Many an evening I spent as a youth on the south side of
Chicago toasting my green skeletal toes in an x-ray machine to see if the Red
Goose shoes my parents were buying me had enough "room for growth"  Probably
I was giving my toenails a gamma ray trim and Parkinson's to boot.  And
remember,  somewhere out in deep deep space, 40 light years away from the
shimmering blue planet we call home, some intelligent life form is trying to
separate the radio wave interference caused by my shoe x-rays from the
UHF/VHF signals of the Jackie Gleason Show and trying to make sense out of
either one of them.
 
peace, bro's and bro'ettes,
Rat