Dear Friends,
I have joined this Parkinson list serve for maybe 24 hours. I have been
welcomed and received tons of mail, of which I do read. Why? Because I am
crying as I write this.
I have been diagnosed with PD (as you refer to it) last year. I am 48 years
old. I have a very slight tremor inmy right fore arm, whic does nnot appear
to be there always, but the tendons appears to be flexing inwards. So I
stretch them out.
This is my story. Born in Philadelphia, PA in '47. Went to Vietnam and was
there from 2-7/68 in the I Corps (most northern area) and participated in
the horros of the first Tet Offensive in 1968. I was mentally a wreck. My
job was working as a carpentar in the Navy SeaBees. As our song
goes"....we build and we can fight". When in Vietnam I was sprayed with
Agent Orange (dioxin), drank and ate its reside. I started to get a rash
and 27 years later, it is alot worse. They call it Psoriosis, I can it
nerves. I have been diagnosed with Post Tramatic Stress Disorder last
year. I was in the hospital for 1 week in January 1993 and had had an
operation to retreive the stone. The 1 hour operation became 3. The end
result was that I had a 10" stint that went from my bladder to my kidney
and still had the stone. I deveoped a high fever which was treated with
several antibiotics and it finally gave up. That was the 4th kidney stone
episode. Then I began to have marital problems after 22 years of marriage.
I left the home for a week. It took 3 Lithostripsies (bombarded with sound
in the area of the stone for 1 hour each) and after 5 months, it cracked up
and I passed the stone. By the time I was free of the stone, my right fore
arm had a tingle in it as if I had hit the crazy bone in the elbow. The
reason for this history is that I believe that my case of PD has because by
almost 6 months of constant exposure to fear, dying, depression and extreme
exhaustion, the PTSD, the kidney stone and the following problems associted
with it, mental problems - mostly very bad depression and that's all the
mind who take. To add to all the stress, my dad died 3 years ago from a
chordoma (cancer at the base of his brain) which was mis-diagnosed and
suffered for 7 months. My monther has recently had rectal polip cancer
which was surgically removed. She has received "Chemo" and is now OK. My
brother has Crones desease. I am the first born. I am the Executor of my
Mom's will, incharge of her right to die will and handles the malpractise
suite against my dad's doctor (already won, but dragging thru the courts)
and more. Stress 24 hours a day.
I am on the Sinemet 100/25 x 3 perday with a high blood pressure medication
and Welbutron (an antidepressant x 3/day).
After some traveling with my wife this spring in Italy, I came home and got
a second opinion who differed from the first neurologist. THe first said I
had Parkonsonism and the second said I have PD. I had MRI's and they said
they saw not leisons, tumors or other abnormalities.
I am a professor and have been in higher education since 1979 at Penn State
(my 3 degress), Univ of Illinois (9 years) and Rutgers University (8 years)
and continue to work as a professor and Director of Instructional Computing
for one of the colleges. Although most do not think being a prof is like
being a butterfly, flitting from class to class and researching sometimes,
that couldn't be farther from the truth about me. I live to teach and help
my faculty and students and have received many awards for excellent
teaching. My biggest fear has now become a reality. Loss of my brain
power. Like along distance runner, thinking gives me a mental high. NOw
that me be my low. I sit at night and cry that I will shake all over and
lose my mind. I shared this with my wife (next June is 25 years of
marriage) and tell her I will kill myself when I can't drive my car
anymore. That is my litmus test.
Within the last month, I have done extensive research on Acupuncture (4000
years old medicine, the alternative). Funny, I research that first, then
PD. My doctor gives me herbal tea mixture that I biol up each night and
drink in the AM and in the PM. It may be plasebic, but it does relax me.
I have concluded that thriugh his efforts to relax me, ease my tension and
treat the fore arm, that things may be not progressing as fast as I
expected. I have a son, Ariel (17) and a dughter (13). My sone is
starting his senior year in HS and has played varsity football, shot-put,
discus and javelin since his soph. year. My daughter works at becoming a
great gymnist and the energy source for all of New Jersey. Last
Thanksgiving I received a multiple happy event (Dad's Day, B-Day,
Anniversary gift) present -- a beautiful, loving Yellow Lab named "Chewy"
anfter the Starts Wars Chewbaca.
So, as of this day, I am scared. I love my kids and my wife (and Lab) and
want to see the kids progress without having to be dragged about by my
wife. My mental picture of me is a dribbling, lose limbed mental case. I
AM SORRY IF I INSULTED ANYONE. FEAR DIVES THE MIND INTO PLACES NOT VISITED
BEFORE.
In light of this exhaustive letter, I have some questions:
* is PD a fast progressing desease?
* are my fears a reality
* has anyone tried acupuncture and herb teas (doctors mixture, not the
off-the-counter-type?
* will list listserve make me more depressed?
* should I trust my neurologist?
In closing, if you have read this letter, thank you. If not, I understand.
War is not hell. Fear of PD is hell.
Michael
Michael P. Sherman, PhD
Director of Instructional Computing
Associate Professor of Landsacpe Architecture
Cook College
Communication via...
Voice....908-932-1514
E-Mail....Sherman@ AESOP.Rutgers.Edu
Fax....908-932-8880
John Lennon, in his song "Imagine" sang.....("Imagine all the people,
sharing all the world..., you may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only
one, I hope someday you'll join us and the world will be one.".
