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> >My biggest problem -- and that of my brothers -- is that my parents live in >Ohio and my older brother and I are in California and my younger brother is >in Virginia. How do we help from long distance?? And how do we help without >making my mom feel that we're taking over and basically accusing her of not >being able to take care of him? None of that is true, but that's how she >"feels". Mom is pretty capable of taking care of him now, but she has >systemic lupus and has had it for 30 years and it's starting to disable her >somewhat. My fear is not being prepared for the future when the future >happens and you needed something done "yesterday". > This is a great question to ask the folks on Gerinet... a listserve dedicated to issues of gerontology. A lot of the people on the list are social workers and gerontologists who deal with the issue of "what to do with Dad in Ohio when I'm from California?' all the time. I would suggest finding if there is a geriatric care manager in the vicinity of your father. They are trained to do just what you want...explore all the possibilities for your parents with the utmost of care and concern for their desires and dignity. The local Agency on Aging should be able to help you locate one. The address for Gerinet is [log in to unmask] Good luck. Ruth Thatcher [log in to unmask]