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The following post is way too long. Sorry, I guess I've been saving up some ideas for a while. To all of you who responded- Thanks so much for your responses- I really appreciate the support. Upon re-reading my post I agree that it is rather depressive. Yes, I am depressed. I'm also angry, disappointed, distracted, disturbed, and distoned. I feel ripped off. But again, nobody ever promised that the universe would be fair. I should also have thanked everybody for all the good information and general support I've gotten from the list over the last few months. It's been very helpful. Whenever I get particularly depressed, I look around and see how blessed I've been to this point. Many people never make it out of childhood. Others have suffered much worse than I have. On the whole I've had a pretty darn good 40 years or so. When I'm not on the subject of PD, I can still be a reasonable guy to be around. I just have very little positive to say about being a member of our little "club." I can say that it's focused my wife and I on the important things. Our relationship is better than ever. The tough thing for me is not my symptoms- its what I see coming down the road. I saw my mother-in-law in the final stages, and I don't like what I saw. Bob Marley once sung "Once a man and twice a child- everything is for just a while" I just want the middle part to last a while longer. It's tough for me to put the PD out of my mind. I type a lot for my job, so I'm concious of it most of the tttttttttttttttttime. (Never thought I'd become a stutterer). Meanwhile, my wife's about to deliver, and I'm thrilled about the pending arrival. I know when I'm focused on the new addition to the family I'll forget about the PD. As to a couple of other issues which came up: I'm not out about this for a variety of reasons- I'm concerned about discrimination at work, also I really don't want my friends, co-workers... to think "Oh, there's Ron the YOPD sufferer." every time they see me. Only my most sensitive friend knows something big is up, but I still haven't told her. Have others run into difficulties after coming out? Several of you have mentioned relief after getting an accurate diagnosis. I actually found out pretty early, and it was no relief for me at all. I guess it was better than a brain tumor. I was rather pleased when they looked inside my head (MRI) and found nothing there! I guess it gives new meaning to the term air head. As to sleep disturbance, I can sleep just fine, it's just that I don't feel sleepy when I should. Once I manage to fall asleep, I'm fine. Anyone else have this problem? As to eldepryl, does anybody really believe it's neuro-protective? I'm thinking about dropping it altogether. As to depression meds, I've always thought of them as being like the wire that holds the joker's lips into the shape of a smile. Would I be happy or just seem happy? Is there really a difference? As to the Udall bill- I understand all the major groups are cooperating with PAN now. This is very good news. We should all do our part to help this bill get passed. Another symptom I neglected to mention is appetite loss. I can just about get by on one meal a day. Anyone else have this problem? Also, a while back someone mentioned ear problems. For a while before the PD came on I thought that itchy ears was the worst medical problem I had. On another topic- I wonder if on some level I've known this was coming for a long, long time. I've had dreams of not being able to walk for many years. Anyone else feel like they saw this coming? I've had TMJ for years (jaw problems due to gnashing of teeth in my sleep). Anyone else? On the problem of long and/or irrelevant posts, A great thinker once said "90 % of everything is S---." I think wading through stuff you're not interested in comes with the territory. If it takes too long to download or costs too much, maybe you should consider an upgrade to your internet service. I pay 15$/month for unlimited access. It takes about a minute or 2 to download all my mail each day at 14.4. A 28.8 modem is less than 200$ u.s. these days. I know money may be tight for some of us, but I really think more information is better than less. For really, really long stuff, I suppose people could post a summary and offer to email to those who are interested. Another option would be to create a PKDOCS mailing list. A reference to the long post would go in the current list, and the long post would be submitted to PKDOCS. Anyone who wanted all long posts could subscribe to PKDOCS, anyone else could pull the individual long posts from the archive. Well, enough for one night. I promise I won't do this every night. --****ATTENTION****--****ATTENTION****--****ATTENTION****--***ATTENTION*** Your e-mail reply to this message WILL be *automatically* ANONYMIZED. 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