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Edward, thanks for your suggestions about the caregivers books. I am ordering them tomorrow. Regarding my mother-in-laws' caregiver-over the top status: I can see myself in the same situation--we are much alike. What is the secret of 'being there' without being intrusive? We--my hisband and 2 sisters-in-law all are supportive, but we don't know\have the key to being truly helpful without incurring negativity/rejection. At least I, as daughter-in-law don't have the "child" tapes the others do. She seems at least to listen to me (??) Nevertheless, it is very hard to listen to the constant negatives "we can't do that" We all love them both much. It is very hard to wait until a true emergency or degeneration into a cri sis appears, but each of us know how they value their independence and their own resourcefulness. Really appreciate the feedback and experiences of all of you on the list. it is truly a resource and a support group to be proud of. Love (and I mean it), Maryellen in Omaha [log in to unmask]