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Welcome Brian, Your situation is not ambiguous. Your experiences are very similar to those of many other Parkies who have joined the List. The early depression which was probably an unrecognized symptom as it was in my case; the use of Prozac which I did not use, but many others on the List have had experience with and written about; the seemingly rapid progression after initial diagnosis which I too had and which scared me and my wife; the muscle weakness which I don't have just in the right foot and leg, but throughout my body especially in the upper back making my excerise program more difficult; the hand tremors for which I have to take Permax; the loss of dexterity of hands which is presently making typing this Post difficult (you don't see the corrections) and which early on caused and still causes my handwriting, including signature, to become diminutive and illegible when my Sinemet dose is at the low point; the difficulty being heard (my wife used to complain about my being too loud, but no more - I was a high school teacher-; the swollowing- until I learned to "gulp" water I had difficulty swollowing my pills; negotiating here and there, I too am bumping into walls, dressers and what ever else moves into my path - I sometimes think the world of objects has joined a conspiracy against my "motion disorder". List members will agree that there is no doubt you are a Parkie and based on what was revealed by your Post they will also encourage you to continue to be open and positive. The first year is really the pits, but it gets better. The depression and bitterness will subside, the humour will come back in force, the activity level will increase " at times" as you will probably need to begin the lowest level of Sinemet dosage. Most neurologists prescribe Sinemet 25/100 depending on the symptoms and how much the patient want to "improve". Janet Reno is on Sinemet. Your second neurologist should go back to school. He either didn't know how to give the simple motor and other tests, didn't ask the right questions, or didn't listen to what you were saying - or maybe he did and chose to tell you what you wanted to hear. Thank your primary care doc for the first referral. My Cardiologist recognized my weak arms and jumping legs as possible PD and referred me to a Neurolgist who recognized my "mask"-not knowing that I usually look like that. He was forewarned because my appointment was for PD testing. The List members' experiences with diagnosis of PD might be funny or pathetic, but some of them were very serious causing considerable harm. By your Post you are already beginning to go beyond denial and you are dealing with the situation. Our condition and its Diagnosis was a shock to all of us, but as you will hear from this group there is still much to be thankful for and your life will go on as you make the necessary changes. The more positive, searching, challenging, loving, etc - the better your life will be. Your training and experience has already told you that. Perhaps the ambiguity is that you now need what you have been giving for all those years. Finally, a few suggestions: (Not from an expert, only a fellow Parkie) 1. Begin to think about "early retirement". Plan ahead and be very careful; there are traps out there that you will want to avoid. Going on Part Time for example and the way it relates to disability income. At 45 this is of immediate concern. I double missed out (heart disease and PD) and now "make" only 1100 on retirement and social security! It could have been about 5000 per month. DON'T ANNOUNCE YET. Check it all out FIRST. Nobody knows for sure how your condition will change. Listen to the Parkinsonians of your age and condition. 2. Try a minimum dose of Sinemet (non CR) over a period of about a week to determine the effect IN YOUR CASE. We are all different and have different needs as well as symptoms. Did you read the recent Post on Drug Holidays - I think it was by Marge? She is really something-very gutsy. I was tempted to try it myself. The Sinemet should really help. Then the choice is : take the Sinement and get some relief along with the future increasing adverse side effects and gradual diminution in results or put up with the symptoms as they get worse. Your neurologist should have been more specific in terms of the possible future. This prognosis and the early use of Sinement is quite controversial among members of this List. Listen to those Parkies who are "earlier" than most (age 30-50) who have a different experience than those of us who were diagnosed after 65. I hope this was of some small help. We may not overcome, but we will endure with hope, patience and many frustrations, by reestablishing our purpose and goals for life as a Parkinsonian and then charging ahead. Glad to have met you Brian, Fred Turner (To Heather: I'm back and I have not forgotten to send you the information on my diagnosis, etc. Brian's story will also add to your information. Soon, Fred)