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Marti, Thank-you for your letter and words of encouragement. I think I'm dealing with the PD and then someone asks me about why I would retire with a disibility and I tell them I have an incurable disease and my voice cracks and tears come to my eyes. I thought I was going crazy those six months before I was diagnosed- your five year search must have been awful. I ended up in the ER thinking I had had a heart attack. I was stumbling and tired but my leg shook and the x-rays. the blood tests, and the EKG were all OK. My internist gave me the name of a neurologist after prescribing some Xanax for my tears and fears. But, I didn't call right away rationalizing that I didn't want to hear bad news. Then when I did get over that notion, I couldn't get an appointment for five weeks. Some of that time was at a phychiatrist who listened and reassured me and put me on Zoloft for depression. When I finally got in to see the Dr. he watched me walk, had me do manipulations with my hands, tried to tilt me over from the back, etc. He left the room to look at my records and came back in the room and said that I had Parkinson's and then went on without taking a breath about how he'd prescribe me some medicine and I could come back in three months and I could join a support group and so on and so on. I had to stop his chatter to be sure what I"d heard and ask him if I had heard right. Unfortunately, I had heard correctly and my mind went into a spin. I've changed Dr's since March to a Dr. Hubble who specializes in movement disorders and is connected with Ohio State University Hospital. I wanted to be in on any new developments or research . She is very kind and knowledgable and I am feeling more comfortable with her guidance. However, where are the questionaires, where are the checklists? Why isn't someone asking background, birth trauma. eye color, living surroundings, past illnessess, etc. Has this been done in some research facility? Are there studies I can find out about? Have you wondered what the similarities are in people that develop this disease? One more thing and I'll get back to the Christmas cards. I have some feeling for your fears of not being able to think as clearly as you once did and this being your connection with who you are. I have played tennis for twenty years, belonged to teams, and played with friends and looked forward to the times I was on the court. Now, it's stumble and slow and the racket not going where I want it to go and embarrassment that my coordination has changed so drastically. My old self is gone and I'm not sure I'm coping with the new me very well. What did you teach at the University.? I work as a Vocational Evaluator at a vocational school - testing high school students in abilities, aptitudes and interests to recommend job training. Don't know how long I'll be able to keep up. Hope your disability status works out for you. Thanks for writing, do it again-anytime. Patricia