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Alan, Thanks for the very complete article on depression. I plan to print it out for our next support group meeting because that's our subject. I always read your postings with interest because we're the same age and were diagnosed about the same time. Your pd seems to have advanced more vigorously than mine, but I'm just a few steps behind, and your experiences give me hope that there are still a few weapons left in the arsenal (e.g.shunt and palllidotomy) as my medications become less effective. I admire the way you seem to be handling your situation with as much grace, intelligence, and good humor as a human being can muster and appreciate your informative messages on the list. Two things struck me when I read the depression article. First was the comment that depression hits when we're "off." I haven't taken my depression too seriously because that's when I experience it; once the meds kick in and I get busy doing other things, I forget all about depression and pd, sometimes to the extent that I forget to take the next dose in time and then I'm off again and the whole cycle starts all over. Sometimes I feel I could actually commit suicide when I'm off, even though the impulse would pass as soon as the meds kick in and I'm back on. It's made me very aware of the chemical nature of depression. This disease has made schizos of all of us! I was going to say I forgot my second point (another annoying aspect of pd), but in the meantime it came back to me. I've complained in the past that my neuro has not been supportive of my desire to take a disability retirement because he feels I'll go downhill more quickly. He doesn't realize all the projects I'm waiting to sink my teeth into when I get the time. Keeping busy works best for me because it gives me little time to sit around feeling sorry for myself and makes me tired enough to get some quality sleep without help (even half an ambien turns me into a zombie the next day), even though the quantity still leaves something to be desired. Since I can't stand being off, I keep those depressing tendencies at bay by heading for the computer. One thing I can do better off than dyskinetic is type, so it's a good time to get those chores done or just reward myself with a scrabble game, to which I am unfortunately addicted. So what if I can't vacuum until later? The dust will wait. Sometimes I find myself hoping for some off time just so I can goof off - expecially if the dyskinesias are really annoying and debilitating. Right now I'm cautiously optimistic about an alternative therapy I 've undertaken. It sounds really hokey, but I had my hair analyzed and have begun a regimen of vitamin and mineral supplements in addition to a diet designed to rid my body of toxic levels of copper and aluminum. Although I undertook the project skeptically and out of desperation, I became less skeptical when my profile explained all the health problems I'd experienced in my life. I've been on the program 2 1/2 weeks and have been noting gradual improvements in sleeping, handwriting, and balance. I have had several episodes during which I have felt completely "normal;" that is, like a person without pd, and am hoping to extend those periods. The holistic doctor who's supervising me feels this is not an unrealistic expectation. I'll keep the listserv posted on my progress if there's more to report. I didn't mean to go on so, but I did want to let you know your efforts are appreciated. I'm glad you keep in touch with Bill H too. I know he too has problems with depression and needs an outlet for his brilliant mind, trapped as it is in a body that won't cooperate. Do you suppose this is some sadist's idea of the perfect hell??? Regards Pat