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Frances,
 Thanks for reading and writing.   I cannot say that I have succeeded in
learning to "positive think" relaxation.
It does seem to sometimes help to try to relax whatever tension(s) are
affecting me at the moment.  The "rule" of learning: practice .. practice
... practice..
must apply to re-training (or teaching cognitive control of any body (even
autonomic) function) ... this translates simply into trying to focus on
relaxing the muscle tension.
If attempted often enough, the neural network will build, increase,
amplify, or reinforce the feedback and control networks necessary.  It may
also be possible to use some sort of skin (temperature or dampness perhaps)
monitor attachhed to the area affected with a meter showing you when some
mental effort is affecting that monitor needle.  This is used in
biofeedback, but I am not expert nor knowledgeable of much specifically
used.

Perhaps using a vibrator device will help.  Help to relax muscles comes
from a Sears brand "swedish massage" vibrator (eccentric weighted rotor)
that I have had for years.  It is sort of attached to the back of one hand
by inserting the fingers . all four through one group of extensible coiled
wire strap and the middle two fingers through another horter set of
spring-strap.  Turning on the motor vibrates the hand and fingers and these
can be applied to any part of the anatomy externally.  Neck muscles for
instance.

There are many types of stimulators sold.  George Burns advertised one.

If the expectation of relief is high, placebo effect will occur for a
touch, healer, or vibrator.  This includes the good effects of a friend
rubbing your back or tummy.  Maybe just lying down on a bed or comfortable
chair or sofa will get one away - distract us as you said - from whatever
got the tension started.

ron      1936, dz PD 1984
Ronald F. Vetter <[log in to unmask]>
http://www1.ridgecrest.ca.us/~rfvetter/