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There you go.......
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Date: Tue, 26 Mar 1996 20:26:31 -0500
Reply-To: "Parkinson's Disease - Information Exchange Network"
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From: Bruce and Helen McCallum <[log in to unmask]>
Subject: More humor :-)
Comments: To: Parkinson BB <[log in to unmask]>
To: Multiple recipients of list PARKINSN <[log in to unmask]>
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EUROPEAN COMMUNITY PRESS RELEASE...
Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC (now
officially the European Union, or EU), the European Parliament has
commissioned a feasability study in ways of improving efficiency in
communications between Government departments.
European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is
unnecessary difficult; for example: cough, plough, rough, through and
thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes to
iron out these anomalies. The programme would, of course, be
administered by a committee staff at top level by participating
nations.
In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using
's' instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities
would resieve this news with joy. Then the hard 'c' could be replaced
by 'k' sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this
klear up konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters
kould be made with one less letter. There would be growing enthusiasm
when in the sekond year, it was anounsed that the troublesome 'ph'
would henseforth be written 'f'. This would make words like 'fotograf'
twenty persent shorter in print.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
possible. Governments would enkourage the removal of double letters
which have always been a deterent to akurate speling. We would al agre
that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is disgrasful.
Therefor we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ as though
nothing had hapend. By this tim it would be four years sins the skem
began and peopl would be reseptiv to steps sutsh as replasing 'th' by
'z'. Perhaps zen ze funktion of 'w' kould be taken on by 'v', vitsh
is, after al, half a 'w'. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary 'o' kould be
dropd from words kontaining 'ou'. Similar arguments vud of kors be
aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli
sensibl riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls,
difikultis and evrivun vud fin it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drems
of ze Guvermnt vud finali hav kum tru.
Richard Todd At the forks of the Platte
[log in to unmask] On the edge of the Sandhills
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