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>Subj: Re: Looking for gals in the same Boat (SINKING) >Date: 96-05-05 13:40:51 EDT >From: [log in to unmask] >Hello Donna, > >No one likes to see a divorce much less participate in one. I can't and >won't comment on the possible reasons for divorce. I will paint a very dark >picture in hopes to shock you into reality. I realize you are hurting much or >you would not have opened up your heart to us as you did. > >Chronic illness causes many changes in family dynamics. The two of the most >severe adverse reactions are suicide and divorce. Neither need be fatal if >caught early enough. My advise is to seek counseling at your church, medical >facility, where ever. It is not good enough for just one of you to attend, >you both need to seek counseling. At the same time you should be talking to >a lawyer. This should not be the same lawyer as your husband uses. I would >suggest a female lawyer as she may better see your side. There are many >issues in divorce, but some of the issues I've seen faced by young mothers >with PD are real shockers. (1) If you have raised the family while your >husband has provided the income (a) you will lose access to his health >insurance (b) you may not have worked sufficient quarters and at proper level >to get social security benefits (c) because of your PD and other >considerations he may have you declared as incompetent to raise your >children, assuming there still are minors. (2) I think that is enough to set >your wheels in motion. > >I know a lady in the southeastern part of the US who recently went through >what you are facing. I will send her name and phone number to you on private >Email. > >Above all, remember to hold your head high. Your are an important, >worthwhile person. Your rights are at least equal to his. I hope counseling >can resolve the issues. I would still talk to a lawyer, if for no other >reason than to build your confidence in yourself. > >Regards, >Alan Bonander > >PSS: For those of you who think I may kicking Donna when she is down. The >issues are big and the consequences can be enormous. This is not the time to >be passive; you can still show compassion, but don't be passive > ---------------------------------------------------------------- I never cease t be amazed at the lack of feeling, empathy, compassion, and support men (save me) can exhibit. I am totally in agreement with Alan Bonander on this. You have my complete moral support and hope you get proper satisfaction and eventual peace of mind. You'll just have to accept that many people (and many men) are rotten, though being a care giver can be most difficult at times, as I well know, but the alternative is far worse (at least in my case). Remember that there are lots of good people in your corner. The best to you. Michel