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Jackie, Your note shows me once again how this and the CG listserv help as much as a support group would. I have so much empathy for your family. I strongly encourage your Mom to get help, but it sounds like she will have to arrive at that decision herself. Which is where we are. My father-in-law (Bud, 75/8) may need to be hospitalized or cared for by others in addition to that provided by my wife and a caregiver who comes to our house at night now. It is very hard to make that decision, and my mother-in-law wants to hold on to him as long as she can. Maybe your mom feels the same - if a caregiver comes in, it is the first step in losing your father. We could not cope without the extra help, and we're not coping very well. But it does help if my wife and I (with or without the children) get out and get a break. The caregiver also gives my mother-in-law a break, which she admits she needs. I feel like we're moving in a direction we don't want to go in, but someone else is driving and we don't have a choice. As I've noted in previous communications to other CGs reaching out, we're going to family counseling soon. I wish I could be of greater help. There too, Keith