PARKINSON'S DISEASE, BEAVER COATS, NAPOLEON and more subtle things
Parkinson's Disease reminds me of my mother-in-law's old, heavy beaver coat
that I coveted years ago. However, once I put the coat on, I found that it
weighed me down and made me look and feel shapeless, clumsy, exhausted and
infernally overheated when I tried to do anything physically active. Feeling
the soft fur made me depressed as I thought of how many beavers' lives were
ended to make this garment. Like the beaver coat, PD can weigh heavily,
make me feel cumbersome and restricted, forcing me to take smaller steps in
my life. I've had to alter some of my frantic overachieving hyperactivity
and focus on fewer things in my life such as having long conversations with
my daughter who is now coping with finding her independence as a young
adult. Instead of having frequent dinner parties, I now enjoy helping my
grandson do jigsaw puzzles. Advancing my teaching career doesn't seem that
important to me now, preferring to work on a one-to-one basis with
individual students in the school library, helping them research material
and taking time to joke with other teachers. I've had to give up my
theatrical activities of directing and acting in plays, but I've been
learning to communicate with other people on a more personal level through
editing the Parkinson's newsletter, as well as speaking and meeting with
other Parkinsonians who invariably have been warm and receptive people.
Eventually, I hope to learn how to say no, take time for just myself and
accept that some things are going to just have to be left undone. When
I've slowed down enough, I'm hoping to write, possibly work on a play about
Parkinson's Disease. Slowly travelling around Australia, spending
unpressured time with my husband, staying in small towns off the beaten
track and taking pleasure in getting to know some local characters now seem
like very attractive activities in my future.
In re-evaluating my priorities, I'm reminded of a book I read last year by
Simon Leys called "Death of Napoleon", which was based on the imaginary
scenario that Napoleon escaped from Alba, leaving an imposter to die in his
place. Incognito, he returned as a much older, unimpressive figure to
France in a plot to reclaim his power and fame, but his plans went awry when
no one believed he was really the real Napoleon. He was forced to take on
the persona of an merchant and lead the life of an ordinary man while
trying relentlessly to recapture his former glory as a conqueror and
emperor He reluctantly settled into a comfortable bourgeois life with a
widow who was totally devoted to him before dying from the effects of a
common cold, disillusioned and anonymous . The author's premise was that
Napoleon's tragedy was that he failed to see the 'importance of the trivial'.
Parkinson's Disease, unlike the beaver coat, can never be taken off and will
be weighing more and more heavily on me as time wears on. However, if I
were to try to find something positive born out of being swaddled in the
"Parkinson's shaggy cloak," it would be that it is making me appreciate the
inherently more significant "little things" in life and come to terms with
the ordinary me.
Celia Jones
22 August, 1996
49 years, 7 years
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PS: I'm not really a new subscriber, but I've changed my mail address to
Eudora.
