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I had really hoped to avoid mud slinging in this campaign. I'm a family- values kind of guy, and believe that rhetoricians, especially those who work in downtown campuses, should have the right to bare small arms, as long as the weather holds, and I though that sort of middle-of-the-road stance (a Canadian tradition, which accounts for why we're always being run over by the U.S.) would keep me free from controversy. But Selzer has gone too far, and so I make this firm promise: if elected, I'll work to make certain that he doesn't get the CCCC program until after the conference is over. (In addition, I'm seriously considering imposing cod-fishing restrictions on him.)