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Hi, Another new member letting himself be known and heard. I've been = reading/listening for several months, even introduced myself once (that's when there were so many lost or = refused messages). So, let's try again, I'm 44 and was diagnosed with PD 3 yrs ago, so I guess I'm in the = "young PD" group. I have lived and=20 worked in Germany (for the U.S. Army - civilian) for the past 13 yrs. I = went to a doctor in 93 thinking that=20 maybe I had diabetes because I was getting "shaky" around lunch time, = especially when I worked thru (skipped) lunch. I had one other symptom: = my left hand wasn't able to scrub my hair - it kind of froze. All the = tests for diabetes were negative, so I was referred to a neurologist, = who said "PD." I've seen 3 Army Neurologists and went to the Emory = Clinic (June 96). I kept hoping one of them would say "nope, it's NOT = PD!" None of these doctors had any good news or suggestions, only hope = that something new would be coming along some day. The Emory doctor did = say that I should be doing more with med's, such as agonists, so the = discussions on what to take, possible side effects, complications, etc. = has really opened my eyes and given me food for thought. The other topics that have been right on the button for me have been: = DEPRESSION, sleep problems, protein and being "on & off," tears, and = family issues. I currently go through a lot of helplessness and = hopelessness, thinking about it only progressing and getting worse - not = a happy thought! I also know that I'm blocking a lot of sadness and = fear, and avoid dealing with those feelings VERY well. Several friends = and co-workers know that I have PD, but most don't. Why? Job and = needing to feel that I can still function without special = considerations. Family background: my father was diagnosed with PD in the early 50's. = He didn't want to become a "vegetable (as he said)," so he looked for = any experimental programs he could find. He ended up in Iowa, had 2 = brain surgeries, and ended up with brain damage, and became the = "vegetable" that he didn't want to become. He died in 1962 from medical = complications. I know, PD isn't hereditary! I feel like I have terminal cancer and am slowly withering away. My = family and friends look at me the same way - they ask me "how I'm doing" = all the time. They see me shuffling my feet, my right hand shaking, or = just thinking in slow motion and they want to assist me, like I'm = crippled. I don't get mad at them, I just feel ashamed, tainted, = embarrassed, frustrated, anger and mostly lost. Suicide has crossed my = mind, but I want to be around and wouldn't want to put that additional = burden on my family. Support groups just aren't available over here, at = least not in English. The plan is to transfer back to the U.S. next year. That's me and = thanks for listening. Mark email: [log in to unmask]