Here is another bit of nonsense from my favorite librarian. Even Jefferson
might have had trouble with the Udall bill.
George Andes
62/14 and still counting
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From: Janet Shainheit, INTERNET:[log in to unmask]
To: George M. Andes, 103075,1020
Date: Thu, Oct 10, 1996, 8:24 AM
RE: Re: Bad Humor
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From: [log in to unmask] (Janet Shainheit)
Subject: Re: Bad Humor
Date: Thu, 10 Oct 1996 08:12:23 -0400
>Received your e-mail. Will write soon.
>
>In the meantime:
>
>Date: Mon, 7 Oct 1996 13:13:57 -0700
>From: [log in to unmask]
>
> Bad Humor Club
>
>
>
> The Court of King George III
> London, England
>
>
> July 10, 1776
>
>
>Mr. Thomas Jefferson
>c/o The Continental Congress
>Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
>
>
>Dear Mr. Jefferson:
>
>We have read your "Declaration of Independence" with great
>interest. Certainly, it represents a considerable
>undertaking, and many of your statements do merit serious
>consideration. Unfortunately, the Declaration as a whole
>fails to meet recently adopted specifications for proposals
>to the Crown, so we must return the document to you for
>further refinement. The questions which follow might assist
>you in your process of revision:
>
>1. In your opening paragraph you use the phrase "the Laws
>of Nature and Nature's God." What are these laws? In what
>way are they the criteria on which you base your central
>arguments? Please document with citations from the recent
>literature.
>
>2. In the same paragraph you refer to the "opinions of
>mankind." Whose polling data are you using? Without
>specific evidence, it seems to us the "opinions of mankind"
>are a matter of opinion.
>
>3. You hold certain truths to be "self-evident." Could you
>please elaborate. If they are as evident as you claim then
>it should not be difficult for you to locate the appropriate
>supporting statistics.
>
>4. "Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" seem to be
>the goals of your proposal. These are not measurable goals.
>If you were to say that "among these is the ability to
>sustain an average life expectancy in six of the 13
>colonies of at last 55 years, and to enable newspapers in
>the colonies to print news without outside interference, and
>to raise the average income of the colonists by 10 percent
>in the next 10 years," these could be measurable goals.
>Please clarify.
>
>5. You state that "Whenever any Form of Government becomes
>destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to
>alter or to abolish it, and to institute a new
>Government...." Have you weighed this assertion against
>all the alternatives? What are the trade-off
>considerations?
>
>6. Your description of the existing situation is quite
>extensive. Such a long list of grievances should precede
>the statement of goals, not allow it. Your problem
>statement needs improvement.
>
>7. Your strategy for achieving your goal is not developed
>at all. You state that the colonies "ought to be Free and
>Independent States," and that they are "Absolved from All
>Allegiance to the British Crown."
>
>Who or what must change to achieve this objective? In what
>way must they change? What specific steps will you take to
>overcome the resistance? How long will it take? We have
>found that a little foresight in these areas helps to
>prevent careless errors later on.
>
>How cost-effective are your strategies?
>
>8. Who among the list of signatories will be responsible
>for implementing your strategy? Who conceived it? Who
>provided the theoretical research? Who will constitute the
>advisory committee?
>
>Please submit an organization chart and vitas of the
>principal investigators.
>
>9. You must include an evaluation design. We have been
>requiring this since Queen Anne's War.
>
>10. What impact will your problem have? Your failure to
>include any assessment of this inspires little confidence in
>the long-range prospects of your undertaking.
>
>11. Please submit a PERT diagram, an activity chart,
>itemised budget, and manpower utilization matrix.
>
>We hope that these comments prove useful in revising your
>"Declaration of Independence." We welcome the submission of
>your revised proposal. Our due date for unsolicited
>proposals is July 31, 1776. Ten copies with original
>signatures will be required.
>
>Sincerely,
>
>
>
>
>Management Analyst to the British Crown
>
>=======================================================================>The
>Bad Humor Club is a moderated mailing list managed by Rivendell
>Technologies, Inc. To join send email to "[log in to unmask]".
>The moderator will discard any tasteless, overly prejudiced or insulting
>submissions. In other words, it is only what the moderator finds funny.
>
>
>
>
>********************************
>Constance Finlay *
>Information Specialist *
>CORNELL UNIVERSITY *
>New York State School of *
>Industrial and Labor Relations *
>232 Ives Hall *
>Ithaca, NY 14853-3901 *
> *
>Telephone: (607) 255-2184 *
>Facsimile: (607)255-9641 *
>E-Mail: [log in to unmask] *
>URL:http://www.ilr.cornell.edu *
>*********************************
Janet A. Shainheit, Librarian
Worcester Academy
81 Providence Street
Worcester, MA 01604
508-754-5302 ext.127
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